I'm thinking about several things tonight, so bear with me if I tend to switch topics slightly abruptly.
One of the things I am thinking about today is pain, and how while for the most part it is something undesirable, it also can serve a magnificent purpose. Firstly, when we feel pain, we are doing just that - feeling. I don't know about you, but it seems that I can go through entire swaths of days, even weeks or months, without feeling much of anything. We can get disappointed with how our lives are turning out, or get bitter, and we just "switch off." We can numb ourselves with entertainment, addictions, perhaps medication. And sometimes those things are needed for a time as a method of mere survival; we don't have the energy to do much of anything else.
But then we wake up, and we feel. And even if it is pain that we are feeling, it is still a reminder that we are human and have the capacity to feel. We don't have to stay in that place of pain forever, but perhaps we don't have to run away from it all the time either.
A second point about pain. I wonder if the amount of pain that we feel is directly proportionate to our capacity to feel immense joy and satisfaction. I think it may be true. As bad as things can sometimes get for us, I think there are infinite possibilities for us to feel exhilaration and deep happiness.
Another word that comes to mind is trust. I think there are probably a lot of people like me who have a deep longing to trust the inner voice that speaks to us throughout the day. Some may call it God, Spirit, The Universe, Source. We may hear it in set-aside times of meditation or reflection, or while we're walking down the street, while at work, or while making love with the one we cherish. But it's one thing to hear the inner voice; it's another thing to actually trust it. Why are we so resistant to it? One of the big reasons that comes to mind is that for thousands of years countless numbers of people within many cultures and religions have been taught NOT to trust themselves. We may have been taught - directly or inferred - that human beings are naturally flawed or worse, and therefore we can not trust ourselves. So it's no surprise that when we hear positive, loving messages coming from our very core, that we may initially dismiss or reject them. Goodness and love come from somewhere outside of ourselves, not from within. I can not state this any more strongly: I utterly and completely reject this belief. I believe that rather than being separate from Source (Mother/Father, Universe, God), we are absolutely one with her from before we were even born. We are born out of absolute love and goodness. Truly and deeply believing this (which may take time admittedly) leads us to a place where we can trust and completely accept the loving, affirmative messages that come from within throughout our days. Some of the messages I have heard are: "You deserve love," "You deserve to be happy," "You are accepted," "You don't have to be alone."
That leads to a brief, final point for this evening. Whatever it is that we are going through, however dark things may seem, however much despair and pain we may be experiencing, we don't deserve to go through it alone. We were made for relationship, and there are so many things that we can experience through them that we can not through being isolated. There are vital truths to be learned by sitting and talking with a friend over coffee. There is positive energy to be tapped into by being around a like-minded community (spiritual or otherwise). There is healing to be had by laying next to your lover. We don't deserve or need to be alone.
Well, I think I will leave it at that for this evening, spend a bit more time with the ducklings and geese here at the park, and sip on my tea.
Blessings to you, valuable one.
Love,
Mark Andrew
