Reissue Album Review: Pearl Jam 'vs.' & 'Vitalogy'

Pearl Jam: ‘vs.’ and ‘Vitalogy’
Remaster-Reissue / Retro Album Review
****1/2 Stars
By Anthony Kuzminski

• Read all Pearl Jam reviews HERE

Before the invention of Soundscan in 1991, record labels would claim staggering sales and shipments of the records. However, with Soundscan, you had a system that (for the most part) would show pretty accurately how many records would sell week to week. Much has been made over debut weeks in the last decade, but in 1993, Pearl Jam sold 950,378 copies of their sophomore release vs. during the third week of October. Then and now, it is an astonishing feat. It held this record for five years with only Vitalogy (which sold 877,000 copies) released a mere thirteen months later coming close to eclipsing it. Rappers and teen stars would break this record eventually, but all of them did it in a vastly different media world where the act would be on every television station possible the week of the release to ensure record sales. Pearl Jam were nowhere to be seen the week vs. hit stores. In fact, they shunned MTV and radio by refusing to release singles and do music videos. At the time, it was revolutionary to see any act give the middle finger to the powers that be. No one had done it before and only with the dismantling of the recording industry are other acts brave enough to do it today. Taking a page from Led Zeppelin in the early 1970’s, Pearl Jam did everything they could to help extinguish the colossal interest placed on the band. They stopped doing interviews, no videos, limited touring, no proper singles and they didn’t even put a name on the album cover. The LP edition didn’t even mention the band’s name (except for the spine, once again, the same thing Led Zeppelin did with their IV record). Despite all of this, as I remember that time, the buzz in the air was intangible. It wouldn’t have meant a thing if the music fell flat, but despite enormous expectations, the band delivered and many people, including this writer, believe vs. to be their magnum opus. Much is spoken about Pearl Jam’s clash with corporations during this time, but what many overlook is the stride they reached musically which is now documented on a magnificent 3CD reissue of this 1993-1995 period. vs. and Vitalogy have both been remastered with bonus tracks and an extra live CD of the band’s final performance of the vs. tour from 1994 in Boston. Under the direction of producer Brendan O’Brien, Pearl Jam found their footing as a band and the songs written and recorded during this period are the result of the pressure and the intensity they faced. The final result is nothing short of devastating.

The time between Pearl Jam's first ever gig (October 22, 1990) and the release of their debut record Ten (August 27, 1991) was a mere ten months. Despite the eclectic and seriousness of their first record, it was recorded and released in such a whirlwind that the songs in essence came before Pearl Jam were really a band. Between the release of Ten and their second record vs. in October 1993, their world changed more than any of them could have ever imagined. Almost overnight Pearl Jam became a band who was deemed the voice of their generation, the ones people looked to for answers and a money making juggernaut for promoters, radio programmers, their record company and MTV. Everyone wanted a piece of them. These types of strains are what break up bands. Pearl Jam could have suffocated under this weight, but they did the opposite. Originally titled Five Against One, vs. is a collection where the five members indeed reverberate like a band ready to take on the world. While the songs are still intimate and personal, their scope went from full screen to widescreen with a rage reserved for the darkest of metal bands. Because of the way the Ten album, the live performances on the Lollapalooza tour and the "Jeremy" video took off, everyone was in the band's ear offering advice. The band wanted none of it. The polished studio essence on their debut was absent replaced with a much more potent and acerbic sonic force. If Ten was a heavy weight boxing match, vs. was Fight Club on speed. On the previous record, the music felt almost classical in its composition, on vs. it felt like the Ramones meet the Clash meet U2 (circa 1983). The band was taking no prisoners and when I tuned into the MTV VMA's in 1993 and heard the band tear through "Animal", I knew changes would be abound on the newest record. Their ire flew off that stage in a way I'm not sure if I have ever seen before or since. Some felt it was an act, I knew it was anything but. The stakes were higher, the rules had changed and more importantly, Pearl Jam was a band. With two years of gigs (approximately 175 shows) underneath their belts the band was more brazen and brash. Rare is an artist who can sell as many records as Pearl Jam did and then to create a record that isn't just as good but in many ways, superior to Ten.

Right from the prayer-like opening punch of "Go", the band proves to be obstinate in its need to leave their prior album in the dust. The classic rock stimulus of Ten was pushed to the side with the band taking up more of a punk rock mind-set as featured on "Animal", "Blood" and "Leash". The tribal ecstasy of "W.M.A." makes up for what some see as one-dimensional lyrics and yet it's impossible to deny the way the song seeps into your psyche because of the zeal with which they were executed. The band took to the recording studio ready for a fight and with bloody knuckles fought their way through twelve compositions ranging from simple storytelling to rage to a heightened understanding of the world around them. They didn't merely compose about divisive topics, they let their rage vent up from within them shouted it from the top of their lungs and instruments. "Glorified G" has a beat and enlivening riff made for the radio, but it's a stinging declaration against guns. "Daughter" and "Leash" give voice to the misunderstood hearkening back to "Jeremy" and "Why Go" from the debut. "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" is a perfect mid-tempo ballad of a woman trapped in a small town who comes eye to eye with an old flame who doesn't even remember her. It's the misfortune and ache that I could relate to when I heard the record. It's dressed up for FM dials and evokes a sing-a-long every night in concert, yet beneath the picturesque melody is pain. These universal themes are ever so simplistic, but it's not the songwriting that made this record a source of salvation for me, but the fever within it.

Pearl Jam was writing at a higher level of consciousness with vs. and when you're lost and in need of direction, a compilation of songs that feel as if they were written to resuscitate your life prove to be not just fortifying and invigorating, but resurrecting for your soul as well. No song better epitomizes the emancipation than "Rearviewmirror". Delivered in a breakneck speed, the song takes the listener on a fervent getaway and may be one of the utmost driving songs ever laid to tape. Hitting the road, leaving your past in the dust and seeing the future with a clear head is something too many of us fail to do, but if anything the song inspires. I learned that sometimes it's best to confront my demons and at other times, to look away from situations that couldn't be resolved and to never look back. There's middle ground between reconciling your past with your present and leaving a bad situation in the dust. Pearl Jam may have been on top of the musical heap at this moment in their career, but they were equally protective of what they had built. They weren't looking for an easy buck or unnecessary celebrity and even if they had recorded these same songs with a tenth of the passion, it wouldn't hold up today. Fortunately for us, the music reigned supreme and Pearl Jam proved their worth with vs.

In a rather amazing turn of events, Pearl Jam followed up vs. in a mere thirteen months with Vitalogy when it was released on vinyl on November 22, 1994. The CD version was released two weeks later and sold 877,000 copies, once again, with virtually no promotion by the band themselves. Vitalogy finds the band determined even further to challenge their audience and defy those who wanted a piece of them. Often deemed one of the band’s stronger works, I must confess to always having an issue with the album. After a month of listening to Vitalogy on a consistent basis, I ultimately found it terribly unsettling. Over time, I have come to welcome the album’s intricacies and quirkiness but I still find the experimental tracks of “Pry, To”, “Bugs”, “Aye Davanita" and "Hey Foxymophandlemama, That's Me" (now listened as “Stupidmop”) as superfluous exercises best left on the cutting room floor or merely as hidden tracks on a CD. Admirable experimentation that doesn’t really add anything to the band’s fury or the album and ultimately is why Vitalogy doesn’t quite hit the peaks of Ten or vs. . Even “Satan’s Bed” while deeply courageous and unrelenting, are ultimately self-indulgent. While vs. featured the band as masters of their craft, Vitalogy is a more from-the-gut collection of songs, which makes for a intense first listening experience, but the filler doesn’t warrant multiple repeats. >. The album starts with furious concentration and these side steps drain the album of its impact and power in the midsection before “Corduroy” and “Better Man” once again elevates the album’s force.

Like an impromptu jam session, the songs on Vitalogy purge themselves from your speakers and it’s the band’s most unrelenting, experimental and uncompromising. There is huge diversity where certain songs are sung in a hush (“Nothingman”) and others are executed with wailing bellows (“Spin the Black Circle”). There appears to be no compromise on the record (for better or worse). Vedder’s vocals congeal with the band’s vicious sledgehammer sonics. This is the sound of a band bursting at the seams with frustration and anguish best exemplified on the album’s opener, “Last Exit” and on their scathing attack at their fair weathered fans, “Not For You”. Drummer Dave Abbruzzese is especially pungent in his drumming duties giving the band rhythm section a punk rock texture not heard on a Pearl Jam record since. The end result is still one of their truest records, but their self indulgence and experimentation keeps it from making Vitalogy a bona fide classic in the same league as Ten and vs..

2011 marks the twentieth anniversary of Pearl Jam and it is shaping up to be quite a year as the band looks back. There’s a feature film directed by Cameron Crowe in the works later this fall, a weekend of festivities (still to be announced) and this next set of remasters packed tightly in a 3CD box and of course, in a more elaborate limited edition box available exclusively at Pearl Jam’s website, with a 80-page book, pictures, LP’s, CD’s, a download of most of the Orpheum show and a cassette of a special radio broadcast from 1995. Considering how conclusive the Ten reissue was two years back, expectations were high for these records. It’s a tiny bit disappointing that the bonus cuts don’t dig deeper. It would have been nice to receive full demo alternatives or all of the B-sides the band put out. However, one must assume some of it is being held back for a box set of some sorts. It’s just that the band did such an immense purge on the deluxe edition of Ten you can’t help but wish both of these records had separate discs full of unreleased and hard to find gems. That being said, having them packaged together makes sense. They were both born off-the-cuff from a band that held the world by the jugular.

As for tracks that didn’t make the cut, “Hard To Imagine” would have been a nice addition (the Lost Dogs version is from vs.) while the version from Chicago Cab has yet to find a home on an official Pearl Jam release. Of the six bonus tracks spread out over the two albums, none are definitive, but all are welcomed additions. “Hold On” is presented in an alternate acoustic version that allows the lyrics to breathe and surge to the forefront. “Cready Stomp” is filled with fury from the band on this instrumental outtake. “Crazy Mary”, a cover of the Victoria Williams song also appears. The demo of “Nothingman” is spare with an elevated vocal from Vedder delivered with hypnotizing focus. There is a guitar/organ only version of “Better Man” which finds the song restrained and without the kicking drums steering the band onto the highway. It’s a reserved version and shows the song in a new light. An alternate cut of “Corduroy” finishes the extra tracks. However, for most, the 3-CD package is worth its weight in gold for Live at the Orpheum Theater, Boston, April 12, 1994. While the show in incomplete on CD, most of it appears on the special edition box set.

Surprisingly, this is the first full CD release of a live show with Dave Abbruzzese on drums. Matt Cameron may be the ultimate Pearl Jam drummer, but Abbruzzese has never received his due credit as the basher behind the kit on not just vs. and Vitalogy but in concert, the Abbruzzese swings the same way Steven Adler of Guns N’ Roses did early in their career. There band sounds almost primitive compared to the hundreds of official bootlegs released since 2000. This is a reminder of a time gone by when Pearl Jam was one of most sought acts on the planet in 1994. Live at the Orpheum Theater, Boston, April 12, 1994 only includes a portion of the show and there is a reason why. There are a further six songs to be available for download to those who buy the mega box set available on the band’s website, but even then, three further songs are missing. One may assume the band is playing tricks, but that’s not the case. Back in 1994, the band did not record it show on multitrack recordings and as a result of tape flips, three songs were cut. Regardless, the live disc is enough to warrant buying these albums once again, as it finds the band in their youthful prime. The live disc features an especially emotionally sweltering performance of “Immortality” and a scathing “Not For You”. The remastering on both studio discs is pristine where instruments are deciphered beautifully and despite no remixes or extensive tracks, this new aural upgrade and the added live disc makes this an essential purchase even if it doesn’t reach the heights of the Ten reissue, but then again, how many albums have had a reissue that definitive?

Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter

Having breakfast this morning in Harlem Cafe Belfast

@ Harlem Cafe, Belfast

To buy the milk jug head here http://www.utilitydesign.co.uk/mall/productpage.cfm/UtilityDesign/_UT51908

An American Haunting: Crap

Okay so last night I watched an American Haunting and I can remember when it was in the cinema that people seemed to talk fondly of the film however, after watching this film last night I have no idea why! I usually like any type of film.. even if it is badly acted or has a simple storyline but this film really takes that biscuit! Rachel Hurd-Wood’s acting in this is absolutely awful! (I mean I would not even call it acting!) if something like that actually happened I really do not think that someone would respond in that way! The other thing that really annoyed me was every time she was in bed and this thing come in to the room she would run across the bed. stop and run across the other side of the bed and this would go on for like 5 minutes! if she wasn't dancing away from the demon on her bed she was doing it in the middle of the room with her friend! grr it makes me so angry because it is so stupid.

“This film is based on true events”

Well if this is true then they should do their research better because with story lines and acting like this it is very hard to even associate it with something real!

All in all I would not even rate this film. It goes in my collection with The Happening and Black Water Valley Exorcism as the worst films I have EVER seen.

Thatmfeeling

Video streaming by Ustream

Video streaming by Ustream

Video streaming by Ustream



Dark Knight Rises Update

Director Christopher Nolan, who gave Joseph Gordon-Levitt his role in Inception, has cast him in his upcoming Batman film The Dark Knight rises. He will play Alberto Falcone, the son of former mob boss Carmine Falcone circa Batman Begins

Reissue Album Review: George Michael - 'Faith'

George Michael-‘Faith’
Remaster/Reissue  
Album/ Retro Review
****1/2 Stars
By Anthony Kuzminski
Buy the album HERE.

The 1980’s were often lambasted for overproduction and image. However, with the passage of time, looking back, much of the music had more heart and soul than we initially gave it credit for. In 1987-1988, there were few acts on the planet as big as George Michael. His Faith record was not just huge, it was Thriller big. It was the best selling record of 1988, “Faith” was the top single of 1988, the tour broke records and it had a then record breaking six Top-5 singles, four of which went to number-one. That is a feat that neither Thriller, Born in the USA or Purple Rain can lay claim to. In the late winter of 1989, Faith won the Grammy for Album of the Year, a reward it deserved and one I still believe to this day that was deserving. However, George Michael has only made a scant three studio records since then and most of his success has been found in foreign markets compared to the dizzying heights of the late 1980’s on US shores. His presence may be diminished, but his art has never faded far from public thought. On paper he may look like a pop star, but the scope of Faith is as impressive as its statistics, something people tend to forget.

On the surface Faith may appear as a collection of songs complimented by a series of radio friendly melodies, but it’s so much more, it’s a passionately striking testimonial from a then 24-year-old who appears to have been in absolute and total control. Like Orson Welles before him, who wrote Citizen Kane at the same age, Michael was coming off of immense success with Wham! and a handful of solo singles. Everything was teed up for him when 1987 rolled around. Beginning in February 1987, "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" (a one-off duet with Aretha Franklin) hit the charts and by April of 1987 was a number-one hit on both side of the Atlantic. In June, Michael came out of the gates swinging with the controversial “I Want Your Sex”. In retrospect, it’s a rather tame song and video but at the time, because of the use of its title it caused a furor not soon forgotten. It still ranks as one of the most controversial videos of all time. It was enough to get the song to the number-two position here in the US that summer. The song owes a nod to Prince (something Michael admits in the interview within the booklet) but it doesn’t make it any less effective. The next four singles all went to number-one in America while the album’s final single, “Kissing A Fool” peaked at number-five.

Much of Michael’s life has taken precedence in recent years overshadowing his music, but as I listened to this 3 disc remaster, it brought me back and songs like “One More Try”, “Faith”, “Hard Day” and “Kissing A Fool” shed new light onto his psyche at this time. There are dimensions to the lyrics no one could have grasped back in 1987. “Hand to Mouth” and “Look at Your Hands” are the only tracks not released as singles in some part of the world and while it’s easy to toss them off, like “Darlington County” From Born in the USA or “Baby Be Mine” from Thriller but they hold up better than one may expect. One of the album’s highlights is Michael’s vocals which radiate with drama. He evokes great soul singers while pulling you in to whatever arrangement he’s provided to the lyrics. Soul, pop, r&b and rock all get their chance to shine on the album’s nine tracks (ten on the CD). What was so impressive about these feats is the depth and range Michael showed. From a sprightly pop song like “Faith” to the understated “Father Figure” to the dance floor beats of “Monkey”, Michael didn’t just cover all musical surfaces, but he found a way to make it more than a laboratory-crafted concoction, but an album burgeoning with the voice of an artist wanting to be heard.

This special edition comes in several variations and configurations from a 2CD remaster to an LP and an extensive limited edition box set. The best of the batch if the 3-disc configuration which houses the remastered album, a disc full of b-sides and a DVD with 1987-88 interviews and all of the album’s videos lasting just shy of two hours. While the set does not house any revelatory discoveries unearthed, it has compiled all previously released material (much of it not available on CD or via import only) on one place with tasteful mastering. All too often these reissues and releases leave off certain b-sides and mixes, but they pulled every available track for the collection. Some of them didn’t appear until 1990 and 1991 as extra tracks on UK singles for Listen Without Prejudice Vol. 1..

The new remastering gives the album a modern edge without distorting the sound. Some albums come out these days and merely have the volume level jacked up to eleven, but the tracks here sound fresh, clean and are given a more brightened sound. The second CD, while it doesn’t house anything unreleased, gathers together all of the b-sides, live cuts ad remixes in one place for the first time. There are a pair of instrumentals/karaoke versions (“Faith” and “Kissing A Fool”) while “Monkey” gets three remix treatments ((A Capella & Beats, Jam & Lewis Remix and the 7-inch edit). One of the most sought after tracks is “Fantasy” recorded during these sessions but not released as a b-side until 1990. The song made a triumphant return to the concert stage in 2008 when Michael added it to his set list. The Shep Pettibone Mix of “Hard Day” is here as well (it was originally on the original CD and cassette issues of the album). Rounding out the second disc are two live tracks recorded during the Faith period; “Love’s In Need Of Love Today” and “I Believe When I Fall In Love”. Despite the use of an electronic keyboard (in lieu of a piano), Michael’s vocals give a nod to secular testifying. Despite having not written either song, he pours his spirit into each performance making you believe he could have written them. It makes you wish for some live performances to be released from this era showcasing Michael’s dynamic musical intuition.

The DVD that has been included has a well rounded assortment of items. Besides seven music videos (including the uncensored version of “I Want Your Sex”), it houses a promotional film from 1988 entitled “Music Money Love Faith” showing Michael rehearse and plan his tour (with a then unknown Paula Abdul choreographing the show) and a revealing 1987 interview with Jonathan Ross done before the album’s release. While there may not be much in the interview we have not learned before, it is a wonderful peak back to a time where his life and career still had an aura of innocence around it. Despite his massive success with Wham! I am not even sure if Michael could have foreseen what was to come with Faith and everything thereafter. He’s wildly charming, young, naïve, innocent and guarded all at the same time. I am not sure if he could ever be this care free again and despite only being 38-minutes, it’s a wonderful snapshot of a time gone by.

George Michael’s Faith is a cathartic album of confessionals from someone dealing with not just rampant success but someone coming to terms with whom he was. Above all else, any great music comes down to how it relates to its audience and how it holds up over time. Faith is the amalgamation of George Michael attempting to prove to the world he was more than a pretty face and simultaneously expunging his inner demons. It’s sexy, serious and hits the sweet spot few albums can as a whole. From the playful “I Want Your Sex” to the nod to the past “Kissing a Fool” the album attain pop perfection. This is more than mere nostalgia hitting me but a collection of songs that resonates beyond the 1980’s. There are mischievous confessions (“Monkey”), clear-cut declarations (“Faith”) and masterful moments of sheer brilliance (“One More Try”). This album is sexual as it is spiritual and this new remastered special edition reminds us of the greatness of not just this debut, but of Michael’s career as well.

• Read my 2008 live review of George Michael from Chicago HERE

Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter

Skins UK: Season 5

Okay so I have to admit that I had a break from watching skins over the past couple of weeks. Sadly I was extremely busy and it was one of those things that got pushed back and pushed back again. I had not forgotten about it though! how could I, this season has been one of the best seasons so far after the turn of the deadly season 3! Yesterday I had a skinathon where I watched episodes 4, 5 and 6 (just about to watch the 7th episode) and how bloody brilliant it is! I am shocked that they seemed to have found a great bunch of young actors for a change. I have to say that I absolutely LOVE GRACE! (she is the new Cassie!... oh how I miss that girl!) with not many episodes to go until the finale I am going to give you my rundown on the characters so far (and lets see if this changes at the end!) 

Alo - Will Merrick 

Until Alo’s episode, I really did not like this guy. I know it is part of the character’s personality but the guy just seemed pointless and rather gross. I am not really a fan of the humor from him and I really was not particularly looking forward to his episode. When it was turn to see the world of Alo it was really nice to see him grow up at the end. His mother is an absolute bitch and it really made me feel for him (because my mum is so great!) but yes I have to admit that under all those grotesk clothes and extremely pale skin lies a guy that I am starting to like and I look forward to seeing what happens to him in season 6

Grace - Jessica Sula 

Well... what can I say! I absolutely love this girl! she has my humor and is just as crazy as I am! I cant get enough of her. The part where she starts to dance with that old stripper woman in her episode made me laugh and then cry! I loved Grace from the start so when it come to her episode I was really looking forward to it! I even love the mum! they are a complete bunch of freaks and I am SO EXTREMELY thankful that my family are nothing like that! Hats off to Jessica Sula who plays Grace to a T! 

Nick - Sean Teale 

Okay... well this is where I have to be honest with you. I liked the guy at the start of the program because he is rather attractive (I think) and I thought he would be a great play throughout but the more I watch skins the more I think he is completely pointless and just there to aid that whore that I will speak about in a bit! I just do not think that Nick gets anything! I liked his episode where he managed to sort out his life and quit rugby at the end but I just thought “I want you to go off the rails and do something stupid like shave your head and get tattoos” I am not a fan but lets see what happens in the next few episodes. 

Matty - Sebastian De Souza

We all like the dark mysterious types and Matty is one of these! I cant say that I cared for him at the start because he was barely in it but I do like this character. He is made out to b the rather strange one yet I think he has his head screwed on more than any other character! I cant wait to see what happens with him (and if they kill him off in season 6 as they seem to do with a character... I will kill them!) 

Liv - Laya Lewis 

LOVE! LOVE and more LOVE! I think it is because I know people like her but she would be such a great friend and person to hang out with. I feel sorry for her because she seems to have many problems yet they aren't actually her problems... they are problems that she has got caught up in with other people. I liked her at the start and I am loving her at the end! 

Rich - Alexander Arnold 

I did not think I would like him at the start but that lasted about 5 mins and then I loved him. Again, I know people like this but he has such a great slow sense of humor and ends up in situations that you just WANT him to end up in for those great Skins moments! I wish he would cut his hair though!!! 

Franky - Dakita Blue Richards 

She is a lesbian!!! no she is not! but she is! Franky is the first character we meet in Skins and I would not have it any other way. I really really like her! I swear that there is far more to her than the program is letting on... YET... I will be waiting patiently to see what exactly happens to her. I even lover her look and everything that comes with it 

Mini - Freya Mavor

BITCH! - yes I know t is horrible but she is a cow and the program makes me want to see her have an eating disorder and be unhappy! I was not too into her when she was in the first episode and I actually hate the cow near the end. I hope there is some really big story for her where her life comes crashing down!... sorry but there is always one lol! 

okay so that is my roundup of the skins characters! I am sure that you may disagree but lets see how much this changes by the end of this season and the next season! Yay for skins and I cant express how happy I am for season 3-4 to be gone! 

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Nate Dogg Tribute, Red Cafe Interview, G Unit West, Nutzo Gang Interview, NBA Tim Tomas Interview & Cook Out Classics & More...

BIGGIE SMALLS TRIBUTE

ON

"MOST HATED RADIO"

prelude to a freestyle. from Jay Electronica on Vimeo.

Concert Review: The Pogues - Congress Theatre Chicago, IL 3/3/11

The Pogues: Last Call
Congress Theatre – March 3, 2011
Chicago, IL
By Anthony Kuzminski

It’s been said that everyone has a little bit of Irish in them, especially when the festivities of March begin. There’s something in the air in highly populated areas when March rolls around. It’s something that can’t be expressed in mere words but has to be experienced to be believed. Whether you live in Chicago, Boston or New York, walking into an Irish bar as St. Patrick’s Day approaches is a jolt to the senses. Even those people who are sloppy with their liquor intake seem to be more about love than picking a fight. Football season has ended, baseball has yet to begin, basketball and hockey have not hit the playoffs and while spring may occasionally be in the air, it’s still a ways off. I have a friend who runs an Irish bar and he tells me about the 10-days before St. Patrick’s day and the 4-days following it; they’re his biggest weeks of the year. One may assume that a mainstream Irish band like U2 would be the go-to band for these festivities, but they’re not. The Pogues and the Dropkick Murphy’s in recent years have overtaken the digital jukeboxes and cd players. Both acts took to the stage at the Congress Theatre in Chicago in the weeks leading up to St. Patrick’s Day and I was on hand to witness (possibly for the last time) the jaunty jigs of the Pogues.

The band last performed in December for a series of farewell gigs in the UK. The tour is being billed as “A Parting Glass With the Pogues” and whether this means the band is breaking up or this is simply the last time these eight musicians share one stage has yet to be seen. Despite this, at no point in the evening did the band give the feeling this was a farewell. There were no moments of flowing emotion or melancholy farewell speeches. The band may have arrived to the stage almost an hour later than expected, but they made up for it with a set that elicited joy as the band delivered a succinct 21-song set high on Irish folk punk at its best. “Streams Of Whiskey” kicked off the festivities and despite the long wait, the crowd was ready and willing to let go of their worries for a few hours. The jaunty jig “If I Should Fall From Grace With God” followed in short order with a sleazy vocal from Shane MacGowan who appeared in good form delivering one song after another with barely any interruption. Drummer Andrew Ranken was especially succinct in his tattered skipping drums. The band attacked their instruments with seed and precision knocking out the first five songs in less than fifteen minutes.

Over the course of their 90-minute show, the Pogues marched like a band of brothers into battle with defiance and a bevy of anthems for you dance the night away, as they did on “Boat Train”. “A Pair of Brown Eyes” found 3,000-plus fans with arms in the air waving back and forth as they toasted each other with their plastic cups of beer. It may not have been as romantic as an Irish pub where glasses clinked with Guinness, but no pub has the Pogues for mood music. For a band whose first go round was filled with such success and turmoil simultaneously, it really is a miracle to see a group of musicians appear to enjoy themselves so much, performing nightly and evoking such glee from sold out crowds every March, evidenced by a superb performance of “The Sunny Side of the Street”. “Repeal of the Licensing Laws” was dedicated to Shane’s wife in a wonderfully enthusiastic rocker where the crowd cheered and clapped along in unison. One of the few shows where inebriation actually elicited more of a connection between the band and their fans. “Thousands Are Sailing” was dedicated to a young fan that traveled all the way from Columbus, OH to catch the gig. Their 90-minute set was full of hits, album cuts and traditional Irish numbers like “Dirty Old Town” which I first experienced through U2 bootlegs.

Latter set songs such as “Bottle of Smoke”, “Irish Rover” and “Fiesta” were every bit as compelling as the opening numbers as the crowd seemed to hang with the band every step of the way. The Pogues has gone on record saying this may be they final trek on US shores, which culminate in a three night run in New York. If it is, it will be a shame, because despite having their music blast through the speakers hourly at every Irish bar, it will be a reminder of a time that has passed by. The chaos that defined the early part of their career may not be on display, but the music is and it’s still invigorating as ever. Let’s face it; toasting good cheer to one another in the month of March just won’t be the same knowing that the Pogues aren’t playing live somewhere evoking jigs and joy along the way.

Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter

Thank God For Westfields!

As you may know!... I am a HUGE fan or architecture and anything that is being built in London (as long as it is interesting :P) I usually know about. When I first moved to London the news was all about Westfield shopping centre in Shepherds Bush and let me tell you... Its amazing! like I said to my mother “You have not seen a shopping centre until you see Westfields” Now I have found out some more news about the second Westfield shopping centre that is being built in east London and how exciting it is! If the first one was not big enough for you (joke!.. you could die in it and it would take days to find you!) then this one will be the largest urban shopping centre in Europe. (I mean we do not care about out of city shopping centres! its all about staying in the city now anyway! This shopping centre that will be attached to Stratford International station and the Olympic park is going to be a gem. It is not announced what shops will be situated inside (apart from John Lewis, Waitrose, Marks & Spencer) but here are some photos that I have found for this “beautiful” project that I will be going down the DAY that it opens. I would like to say thank you God... Thank you Westfields!

It is SO beautiful!!!! Once it is open EVERYONE has to make a visit no matter WHAT! 

Thatmfeeling 

AV Club: Iron And Wine covers George Michael-Video Debut

Some cool stuff is happening in Chicago at the moment at the Onion's/AV Club's Chicago office on West Superior Street. Many artists are coming into the office and covering songs from the past for this year's "25 Bands, 25 Cover Songs". The list of songs were chosen by readers and the editors, here is the full list HERE.

The series starts today, March 15th and we have Iron and Wine covering George Michael's 1990 hit, "Praying For Time".

Iron And Wine covers George Michael

I'll be posting each of these as they appear and in the meantime, see the full press release below.

Due to its immense popularity, The AV Club's AV Undercover is back!

To sum it up, "AV Undercover" captures 25 different bands recording cover versions of 25 different songs, selected from a list compiled by A.V. Club editors and voted on by readers. Once a band performs the song, it gets crossed off the list – meaning that the later a band agrees to participate, the fewer song selections they have to choose from. All of the recordings are done in The Onion / A.V. Club’s Chicago office in a round, 13’ room and the videos are posted weekly on avclub.com.

Last year, AV Undercover generated approximately 2 million page views over the course of the series. Introducing a new element this year, The AV Club engaged with fans and asked them to get involved in the project. The AV Club made a list of more than 70 songs which were subsequently voted on by fans and narrowed to a list of 25 for the series.

Last year, A.V. Club writers created the list of songs. Ted Leo & The Pharmacists covered Tears For Fears’ “Everybody Wants To Rule The World,” Ben Folds covered Elliott Smith, and The Swell Season covered Neutral Milk Hotel

You are the first one of your kind...

Heart Songs: U2’s “Original of the Species”
By Anthony Kuzminski

There is no formula for a song to be great. The biggest key is for it to be an authentic, heartfelt and an indisputable effort on the artist’s part. That’s not without saying that a song like “Party in the USA” isn’t great because it doesn’t have the emotional weight of Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young”, but both songs find the respective artistry at their finest. Like painting, writing or even performing, when it’s done as a form of expression and not for mere commerce, you can not only hear it, but feel it as well. U2’s 2004 record, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb is a beguiling record. Lacking a consistent sound or theme, it’s a hodge-podge of styles and songs that sometimes hits its mark dead on (“City of Blinding Lights”),and at other times misses said mark completely (“Man and Woman”). When I initially listened to Bomb I dismissed most of its second side aside from “Yahweh”. However, over a period of time, “Original of the Species” has crept into my soul in a variety of ways I never could have foreseen or imagined.

“Some people got way too much confidence baby”

“Original of the Species” is an uncompromising tale about the love for your own child and yet I am not really sure the song has ever received its due credit. It was the fifth single from Bomb and performed almost nightly on the tour, but I have a feeling that this song, and their equally brilliant song “Kite” from 2000, have been overlooked by the record buying/downloading public. To hear it isn’t enough. This is a song that is all about emotion, in fact, it’s dripping in it. It’s apparently about Bono’s and the Edge’s daughters. But when the tour was nearly cancelled in early 2005 due to a family member’s health, the song took on a deeper resonance within the band. “Vertigo” may have been about going for the jugular, but the heart of the record lies in its final tracks and moments which translated over to the concert stage. The first time I saw the song live was during the band’s 4-night stand in Chicago during May of 2005. They filmed a few of these shows for their Vertigo 2005: Live from Chicago DVD and they caught “Original of the Species” in its performing infancy. The performance is hesitant, unrefined and it’s possibly the highlight of the DVD. “We haven’t quite figured out how to play it yet” is how they introduce it on the DVD, dedicating it to the band’s daughters amidst a storm of emotion. The band plays their hearts out with barely a guitar in sight. Bono honestly pushes himself in a luminal vocal performance that didn’t come from his head, but his heart. The songwriting process for it began during the All That You Can’t Leave Behind sessions and was completed a few years later. Due to the issue with a member of the band’s family, they took those brimming emotions and brought it to the stage. Any show that contained “Species” wasn’t an average show. When the band came back that fall, the song continued to swell with passion. Bono sung as if his life depended on it. In between the US legs of the tour, I became engaged and my then fiancée after seeing the September performance told me “I want that song on our wedding mix” and from that moment on, the song meant something more to me. This is what makes a song bulletproof from criticism. If one identifies with a song on a highly emotional level, no amount of disparagement will any deter a true fan and this is what defines music and its impact.

Flash forward a few years and in early 2008, my wife and I were expecting our first child for a fall birth. We were ecstatic and began making all the necessary plans; redoing rooms, looking at your savings accounts for money to be spent, daycare possibilities, etc. We even saw the child on an ultrasound whom we nicknamed “Future Fun”. What you never plan for is for when something goes wrong. Bad things happen; it’s a part of life. We are told the pain is to make us stronger. I’m not sure I agree with that assumption, but regardless, ache is an integral part of life. In March I was out of town one evening when my wife me she had spotting, 11-weeks in. We were concerned so we called the doctor and she made her appointment for the next morning just to make sure everything was OK. I was at work when I received the call and as I picked up the receiver, I knew something was terribly wrong. I could hear my wife in emotional turmoil trying to hold in the tears. She blurted out something that I couldn’t make sense of, but it didn’t matter, I knew that a miscarriage had occurred. As I tried to calm her down she let out “There’s no more ‘Future Fun’” and that remark will probably stay with me forever. She was torn, as was I. I called my family, remained calm and got through work as quickly as I could. When I got home, I held my wife and told her it would all be OK. However, the wall I put up for most of the day dissipated and the tears flowed. I had to let it out once and for all. Once I was done, it was time to move on. It took my wife a few days, but desperation turned to hope. That being said, I never knew I could miss someone I had never met.

Fortunately for us, we got another shot that fall. After seeing the first ultrasound, the child looked like a space alien, the kind that infiltrated for nine seasons, so we appropriately nick-named the infant, “K-File”. My only problem is that I was terrified to tell anyone. I was one-week away the previous time from telling everyone and I was super hesitant this time around so some of my friends didn’t even know until I posted the first pictures on Facebook.The baby was due the first week in April and there was some discussion that they would induce her the last week of March. At the time, I was working an obscene amount of overtime at my job and on Friday the 13th, I came home, ate and worked for five hours. I went to bed after spending 55-hours that week on work and needed to unwind, so I took a Tylenol PM thinking it would knock out the headache and give me a much needed 8-hour rest. That was not to be when my wife shook me at 2:25am to inform me her water broke. I wasn’t ready. I figured I had a few more weeks to get everything together, make a mix, etc. My wife was ready and we grabbed her overnight bag, I nabbed a handful of DVD’s and my iPod and we were out the door where Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone” was on the radio. Needless to say, I was a bit out of it with taking the Tylenol PM but we soldiered on waiting for the new addition to our family. My wife was a rock star throughout all of it and all of the doctors and nurses at Lutheran General were A-grade. I never was able to tell them how wonderful they made us feel and since we were the only couple on the floor who didn’t know the sex of our child, they were also taking bets and became incredible interested. After 19-hours of labor, the decision was made to do a C-section. I was told to bring music, so I took my iPod and made an “On-The-Go” playlist. It consisted of upbeat songs from our favorite artists, the Beatles, Keith Urban, Dixie Chicks, White Stripes and U2. As they began the procedure, I put my head next to Jenny’s head and told her what a great job she was doing. I did everything I could to take her mind off the nerves. As “Original of the Species” came on the mix, the delivery doctor told me she had been listening to the just released No Line on the Horizon album on her drive to the hospital. That was a great sign. As we listened to Bono’s voice sail above the swelling instruments, every lyric accentuated the experience. “Everywhere you go, you shout it/ You don’t have to be shy about it”. “Species” is sentimental without dipping into schmaltz and hits you square in the heart.

As Bono serenaded the delivery room, the song reached it’s finale as he hushed “I want you some more, I want you some more…” and then we heard the cry that would forever change us. “It’s a girl” and as Jenny and I processed it all, we both shed a few tears. The struggle to get there and all of a sudden it was a relief. They asked me to come over, but with Jenny on the table, I didn’t want to leave, I told them we would see her for the first time together. They brought her over and there she was, with an indescribable look on her face that she still gives us to this day. By this point, “Yahweh” by U2 was blasting throughout the room. You are reminded of the pain and the harsh world realities we encounter daily, but all of this seems more tolerable when you are able to experience love like this. When Suzy Lee entered the world at 9:24pm, it helped define my existence. I’ve lived an incredibly blessed life, but it doesn’t mean it’s come without pain. But in that moment, I experienced a love and joy I never thought I would.

Sometimes that pain is necessary upfront, like labor or heartache. It makes us appreciate the good times that much more. We sit back and know how good we have it as a result and it crystallizes our psyche in ways nothing else can. As we sat there and held Suzy, I could feel so much anger, depression and pain from the past slip away. All the girls who broke my heart and professional setbacks…none of it mattered as I held this most perfect creature in my arms next to my beautiful life. I was blessed to find the perfect partner and being given the perfect daughter is something words can’t express. Over the last two years, we’ve experienced our fair share of pain and setbacks, but through it all, when Suzy talks to us, walks and even laughs, all of those worries melt away. Whenever I hear “Original of the Species” I hold back the tears. It’s more than the reminder of March 14, 2009, but a prompt that I want to give her everything and shelter her from the evil in this world, but I can’t. She too is going to have to experience hardship and broken hearts to find her way through the world, but she won’t be alone. The best I can do is the same thing U2 promised to their daughters, “you’ll never be alone”. I may never find my calling in life and I may also never write the great American novel, but being a father to Suzy will be all I ever need. With each passing day, I love her more. One day I’ll play her “Original of the Species” and I’ll tell her this story. I am sure she will roll her eyes and say something like “Please Dad…stop”, but all I can do is make sure she knows how much we love her in the hopes she’ll be fearless in sharing her love with others and attaining her dreams, because after all, she is the first and only one of her kind.

Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter


LYRICS
Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart

I’ll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind

And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
And I kneel ‘cos I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you’re not

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don’t have to be shy about it

Some things you shouldn’t get too good at
Like smiling, crying and celebrity
Some people got way too much confidence baby

I’ll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind

And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
I kneel ‘cos I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you’re not

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don’t have to be shy about it, no
And you’ll never be alone
Come on now show your soul
You’ve been keeping your love under control

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don’t have to be shy about it
Everywhere you go you shout it
Oh my my

And you feel like no-one before
You steal right under my door
I kneel ‘cos I want you some more
I want you some more, I want you some more…

A Defining Week?

Well I can honestly say that there are not enough hours in the day! I feel at the moment that this could be a life defining week for me (well maybe not that powerful) but there seems to be doors that could be opened, things are finishing and things are beginning. Now if I told you what they were then I would be telling and I am not one to do that but it is rather strange how so many things seem to come at once. knowing my luck they will all disappear at once too. At this current time I really could not complain about anything. I am taken in by the news and really do feel for Japan so I hope everything does go well for them now, I seem to have plan after plan followed by days of work and work so I am honestly hoping that by the time the week is over I may be able to say “this is good” or “This is bloody crap” anyway... watch this space 

PS I have started dailybooth! I have no idea but it is another thing that I can do! (not like I actually have the time to do it!) 

http://dailybooth.com/thatmfeeling

Thatmfeeling

Japan Disaster

A friend of mine shared a link to a website that had an article on the devastation that is currently taking place in Japan. I watch the news almost all the time so I usually am in the loop about situations happening around the world but this event really did make me stop and think. I believe that most of us do walk around thinking that we are such a strong force and nothing can really happen to us especially in countries where it is very rare to have any earth tremors, or extreme conditions. I could not imagine what I would do if I was placed in a situation like that and I understand that the Japanese people are very organised and expect to have these sorts of extremities (well not this extreme but they are prepared for extremities such as earth tremors etc) but that doesn’t mean that I may not be in a country when such things happen. It makes you realise that no matter what we build, how strong we are, how much planning we put into something, there is always something that can happen to take that away. It was such a beautiful day here in London today and it made me realise how lucky I am to be living where I am, doing the things I am doing because it could one day just be taken away in a few seconds.

My thoughts are with Japan and I hope from the bottom of my heart that there are minimal fatalities and that all the places affected can get back to their usual daily lives soon. I know that in all reality it is going to take a while but I hope that the whole world learns from this truly horrible event and that even though there will always be some force above us that can take things away from us, when it does we can limit it and learn from it.

Thatmfeeling

Heaven: Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Way Up High?

Kitchener, Ontario

As I mentioned in my last blog post, lately I have been listening to Southern Gospel music that I used to listen to often as a teenager. In my last post I talked about songs that were about Jesus and how there is often a romantic view of the person Jesus. Today I want to talk about heaven. If you find yourself at a Southern Gospel concert and don't hear a song about either Jesus or Heaven, you've travelled to an alternate universe.

Let me give you some lyrics of some of the songs I find myself listening to again these days:

The Unclouded Day:

O they tell me of a home far beyond the skies,
O they tell me of a home far away;
O they tell me of a home where no storm clouds rise,
O they tell me of an unclouded day.

Chorus:
O the land of cloudless day,
O the land of an unclouded day,
O they tell me of a home where no storm clouds rise,
O they tell me of an unclouded day.

Goodbye, World, Goodbye:

I won't have the blues anymore
When I step across to that shore.
And I'll never pine for I'll leave behind
My heartaches and cares ever more.
A day maybe two then goodbye,
Goodbye to each sorrow and sigh.
Heaven is near and I can't stay here,
Goodbye world, goodbye.

Now don't you weep for me when I'm gone
For I won't have to leave here alone.
And when I hear that last trumpet sound
My feet won't stay on the ground.
I'm gonna rise with a shout, gonna fly,
Gonna rise with my Lord in the sky.
Heaven is near and I can't stay here,
Goodbye world, goodbye.

What do these lyrics tell us about the afterlife, particularly Heaven?

1) It is a place far away, presumably above us.

2) We'll be with God there.

3) All of our troubles will be gone.

Many of these songs also talk about how we'll see our friends and loved ones who have died before us. It's a nice thought, but I'm sure it is even found in the Bible. Another idea in some of these songs is that we'll be given answers to all the questions we have had in this life. This is particularly true in the songs "We'll Understand It Better By And By" and "Farther Along (We'll Know All About It)."

These are very emotional songs, and listening to them again after many many years is really tugging at my heartstrings. While I don't believe the theology the songs present, they take me back to a time that I had largely shut out from my present life.

What do you believe about Heaven? Do you believe that it is a literal place either above us or on another plane of existence? Do you believe we'll receive all the answers to our many questions? Will we see our loved ones who've gone before us? Will we meet God?

I respect you whatever your answers to those questions are.

Personally, I am quite content to not know the answers. This is a huge change in my thinking. The comforting thing about holding such a view of Heaven as has been described above is that you know what is going to happen when you die; there's little doubt.

And that's a big reason why I think the idea of a literal Heaven was probably created in the first place. Death is a scary thing because we don't know what lies on the other side. I mean, you can believe as fervently as you want what the Bible says about a literal Heaven, but has anyone ever died, spent some time in Heaven, and came back with pictures or video of the pearly gates? No. I think since the beginning of human consciousness people have been afraid about death, so we created ideas about what happens when you die. If you were good (or for Christians believed in Jesus) you went to Heaven; if you were bad or didn't believe in Jesus you were sent to Hell. This can be very comforting to people, but I doubt it's very realistic.

What do I believe happens when we die? Here I use 3 of my favourite words: I Don't Know.

And you know what? That's perfectly alright with me, it causes very little anxiety if any. I don't think about it. I deeply believe in spirituality and a Divine reality. I believe that our spirit was alive before we were physically born onto this earth, the spirit lives within us while we're here, and when we die our spirit continues on within God. Apart from that I have no concrete picture or answers. But there's no threat. I choose to live my life within Love completely, rather than fear or threat of what may befall me should I not "believe" a certain doctrine about God or Jesus. The word "Heaven" now means a state of consciousness that I can have here and now as I unite my mind with the mind of God.

For now though, I will continue to listen to the old Southern Gospel songs and very fondly reminisce about my Grandparents as well as be deeply moved by the emotion behind the songs.

Blessings,

Mark Andrew

The Divine Romance: I Keep Falling In Love With Him, Over & Over Again

Waterloo, Ontario

Good evening. Wherever you are I hope you are doing well on the cusp of another weekend.

Tonight I want to talk about religion and romance and how they often intermingle (in more ways than when someone yells "Oh, God!" in the throes of passion).

The last couple of days I have been re-visiting my past, specifically my important teenage years. During those years I was into everything Christian. I wore Scripture-carrying t-shirts, a wooden cross necklace. I was part of a thriving Christian Students Network (CSN) at my high school (East Elgin Secondary School in Aylmer, Ontario). I went to Sunday School and church every Sunday, and to youth group Bible study on Wednesday night, then a fun youth-group activity on the weekend.

But above all, there was the music. Along with my older brother Dave I listened to almost solely Christian music. There was Christian rock, Christian rap, Christian heavy metal, Christian pop, you name it we listened to it.

And then something funny happened when I became a teenager. My parents enjoyed listening to Southern Gospel music, groups such as The Torchmen and The Nations. But most of all, the Gaithers took hold in our house. If you're not familiar with Bill and Gloria Gaither, they are gospel singer-songwriters who have penned countless popular gospel songs. Years ago they began to put out videos and CD's featuring dozens of Southern Gospel singers.

Although I preferred Christian rock, I began to really enjoy the Gaither videos, a bunch of older people sitting around a piano singing gospel songs. There was something about the feeling in or behind the music that tugged at me. What's more, when we'd go and visit my grandparents, Harry & Betty Vannatter, we'd inevitably end up watching a Gaither video. This is one of my fondest memories. I didn't remember my grandfather being someone who cried, but I specifically remember one day being over at their place and we were sitting on the couch, he and I, watching a Gaither video. The theme of this particular video was Heaven, and as the singers, gospel music legends really, sang about "going home," I looked over and there was my Grandpa crying. I'll never forget it, and it wouldn't surprise me if I was crying too.

So the last couple of days I have found myself digging out a couple of Gaither CD's that I still own and listening to them. And something struck me as I listened to them again. First, it touched a part of me that hadn't been touched in quite a long time. I'm 32 now, but I felt (and feel - I'm listening to it right now in the coffee shop on my Blackberry) like I'm 16 years old again. Secondly, it strikes me how romantic of a view of Jesus that many of the songs have. In many of these songs it seems that Jesus is not only Saviour and Lord, but he is somewhat of a Lover.

This isn't too much of a stretch, considering I grew up being told that we should have a "personal relationship with Jesus," and "Jesus should be #1 in your life." Christian rock songs that I listened to talked of this kind of relationship with Jesus.

It was all very romantic. I thought I was supposed to pretend/believe that Jesus was like a real person in my life, only he was invisible, (which would become problematic later on). I remember in high school english, a good friend of mine doing a presentation about having a relationship with Jesus. She placed a cloth over a table, put down cutlery, plates and glasses and sat down, leaving a spot for Jesus.

Back to the music for a minute. Let me give you a few of the Gaither song titles or lyrics:

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name. Master, Saviour, Jesus, like the fragrance after the rain."

"The longer I serve him the sweeter he grows. The more that I love him more love he bestows. Each day is like heaven, my heart overflows, the longer I serve him the sweeter he grows."

"I am loved, i am loved, I can risk loving you. For the one who knows me best loves me most."

Another couple songs that aren't Gaither tunes:

"I keep falling in love with him over and over and over and over again. He gets sweeter and sweeter as the days go by, oh what a love between my Lord and I, I keep falling in love with him over and over and....you get the point!"

I don't think we can discount how strong of a pull songs like this and beliefs like this have on countless numbers of people. Indeed, as many Christians like to say, "it's not just a religion, it's a relationship."

So why don't I have this kind of a relationship with Jesus anymore? Well, briefly, the first couple of beliefs that I didn't accept anymore were 1) That there was a Hell, and 2) That there was only one way (Jesus) to God. But another problem was this romantic relationship. I tried for years and years having this kind of relationship with Jesus. I would talk to him, on my knees sometimes. I thought I knew what he wanted from reading the Bible and going to church, and I'd find myself endlessly on my knees asking/almost begging for forgiveness when I thought I had offended. But it turned out to be a dysfunctional relationship, because there was one glaring problem: I couldn't see him! And often, he wouldn't answer back! And much of it was based on guilt.

I believe there are other ways to be a Christian and not need to have such a romantic relationship with the person Jesus, but this is how I grew up, and after 20 some-odd years, I had had enough of pretending to have this relationship. I was also bitterly upset by something else that happened.

As I stated previously, I had been taught that I should "make Jesus #1 in my life." I believed that all the way up to going to Bible college. And then I met a girl, someone I really really loved. And see, that was a problem. I started to feel guilty; and I mean hugely guilty, not just a bit of discomfort. You see, I thought that I might be loving this girl more than I was loving Jesus, and that just wouldn't do. I tried to shake off this feeling, but nope, it remained. And thus, my relationship with this girl crashed. It was just another straw in the bale that broke the camel's back for me. I didn't realize this hugely important point: That when we love others, we love God. There wasn't a separation there.

So do I believe today that there is a place for romance in our relationship with God? Yes I do. Personally, the man Jesus does not hold any real romantic notion for me. He is an important figure in my life even now, but I believe he lived and died 2000 years ago. While his spirit lives on as does everyone's when they die, the person is history. Of course I know some reading this will vehemently disagree with me, and that's ok. I also want to say that I know having this kind of emotional relationship with Jesus simply works for many many of my friends and family.

I believe that the Divine Reality, or God, is all about relationship. We experience God when we love others. Love is active and operational, not stagnant or dormant. When we touch our lovers face, when we caress their back, when we kiss their lips, we are experiencing God. And what is God? God is Love.

So it doesn't bother me at all to refer to God in a personal way, as long as I don't pretend that I'm having a human relationship with someone who doesn't exist as a person anymore. I have no problem referring to God as Father or Mother. And I suppose I could refer to God as Lover or Partner, though I prefer Mother these days.

Our relationship with God should never be dull and lifeless, and nor should it be something apart from the rest of life. To paraphrase my spiritual centre's Purpose Statement: "We express (or love) God by loving people, empowering dreams and transforming lives." If viewing God as a Lover helps us do that, then so be it. Amen.