Thursday, December 30, 2010

What to watch this New Year weekend?

I often get asked for film recommendations and I always telll people to check out my year end lists (usually published before the Oscars). 

Go HERE to read my Top 40 films of 2009. You can't go wrong with any of the choices, but if you could only see one, I'd highly recommend A SINGLE MAN. 

Once again, the list is HERE

OMG your package is SO small!

Yes it is!!! ... I got an iPod nano for Christmas and I have to say that I am in love with the thing (like you naturally are with anything from Apple!) but the one thing that amuses me is that the bloody thing is so small!... I plugged my huge headphones (yes I look cool like a DJ!) into the thing and then managed to loose the iPod! when I went to turn the thing off I had to follow about 10 metres of cable to actually find where it was! Half an hour later I have managed to turn the thing off but now I do not dare unplug the headphones or I may never find it again!. I am so glad I never got the shuffle! I swear if you went out running with it (like you see on tv and the adverts but I am sure no one actually does that) the only way you would know that the thing has just pang (yes pang!) off onto the street is the fact that the music in your ears has stopped playing! but by then it would be too late! you would not see the player for a spec of gravel on the road. Being small and light has its bonuses but Apple will it get to the point where there the player is so small that we cant even turn it on? or if we sneeze then the ipod will blow into the wind forever!? (okay I am just blabbering now and actually woke up to write this!)(SAD!) but it really did interest me on my quest to turn off my iPod... How small will they get (eventually there will be no way to plug them in!... you will have to charge them by blowing on it (and try not to loose it)) anyway... off to bed I go!... Sweet dreams and happy iPod hunting...

Thatmfeeling

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I will be sober!...


Christmas has just passed (and oh how it went by quickly!) and New years is approaching! I have decided this years welcoming will be a time for change (I say it but if it actually happens, I have no idea!) I have decided that I want a calm new years away from the over priced drinks and screaming mad people that I actually have no idea who they are. (I only want to share my new years with you and the other people on the internet!!) for the past three years I have spent them down at Embankment watching the London eye fireworks (with many bottles of champagne and drunken loonies) and, even though the fireworks are brilliant... waiting for a ten minute display from 7pm is not my idea of fun (especially when you have ugly half naked guys trying to throw beer at you and the surrounding people all night long!) so as I want the next year to be about change, I thought what better way to start it with a different years introduction. New years are amazing though... I have had my fair share of odd and amazing new years. Some years the run back to the flat after the fireworks have been even better than the fireworks themselves and other years they have been very painful... Like the time I pushed this horrible cow off the tube train because she was so rude to everyone trying to get out (Yes I know what a great citizen I am!) or the time I laughed at a fat person running and then I fell over and smacked my face into the path (I deserved it!) yes, New Years have been fun and drunk but it is about time that I actually remember one properly! (and not have to stay in bed for days after!) I hope all of you have a great new years and that it takes you a short while to recover after :P
Also! I have just created a look-back at 2010 on my youtube channel.. check the link out below. x

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I Believe In Miracles...Or Do I?

Uptown Waterloo

I've gone back and forth over the years on what I've thought concerning the "miracle stories" in the New Testament - y0u know, the ones where Jesus makes a blind man see or tells his disciples to go back out onto the lake fishing, at which point they haul in a record haul of fish.

What to do with these stories? For a long time I took the whole Bible to be true and without fault, and I took these miracle stories to be literal. Jesus actually did heal the sick and did walk on water. Then I moved away from much of the faith of my youth and I considered these stories to be allegories or symbols of some truth Jesus or the gospel writers were trying to get at.

Now, while I'm not sure, I think many of these stories are true. Jesus did break the loaves and fishes and fed 5, 000. But...are they miracles?

Author Eric Butterworth argues that these are not miracles at all but are the natural way of things as pointed out by an enlightened person, Jesus. The universe, I think he would say, bends towards health (Jesus healing blind men and lepers, etc) and abundance (multiplying the loaves and fishes and telling his disciples to cast out their fishing nets, etc).

Some of it has to do with perspective. Do you think that Life is set out to get you, or that Life is always a hard struggle and will be til the day you die? Or do you believe that Life is abundant and that there are infinite possibilities of good open to you? I firmly believe the latter. It's not just about a positive attitude, though that has a lot to do with it. I believe that there is a Spiritual Force at work, creating the Universe and unfolding it. And that Force - call it God, Spirit, Life, Love, Father, etc - desires health in every way - mentally, physically, emotionally. She desires abundance and peace - peace of mind and peace of heart.

Life, then, is not about struggling against a Universe that "has it out to get you." No matter how dim our lives have looked like up until right now, no matter what we have faced, we have a powerful choice. And that is to raise the consciousness of our minds to connect with God who lives inside of us. To connect with this power and learn how to trust fully. God will not let us go. Or, if you wish, God will not let you sink. There is of course the powerful "miracle" story of Jesus telling a disciple in a boat to step out and walk on the water with him. The disciple is fine as long as he keeps his eyes on Jesus, but he starts to swim when he starts doubting.

So if the Universe/God is all about health and abundance, how do we connect with that? How do we tap into it? Well, let's look at what Jesus had to say about this. On more than one occasion when he supposedly healed someone, what did he say? "I have made you well?" No, he didn't say that. "Your faith has made you well." That's more like it. Jesus, and I believe God is always willing to heal and always willing to pour out abundance. It's not too good to be true. As Divine Beings ourselves, we inherit these things from God. It is our job to have the faith, to raise our minds and believe, even in the midst of doom and almost overwhelming gloom.

We don't need a miracle, we just need to raise our consciousness and tap into the rich inheritance that is ours. No matter if we've been wandering like the prodigal son in the Bible, our Father (our Divine self) is always waiting to take up back and to throw us a party.

Blessings on you this moment,

Mark Andrew

The Screen Door's Ten Best Records/Albums of 2010

The Best Albums of 2010
By Anthony Kuzminski
Buy all of the albums below HERE at the Amazon music store

Writing for antiMusic has its perks and among them was the steady stream of new music exposed to me over the last year. I estimate I received on average one new album a day sent to me via snail mail or via MP3 from PR agencies. I won’t lie, some days it was downright maddening. I estimate I listened to a few hundred albums over the last 52-weeks. While I was often disappointed in what I heard, I found a lot to like. Now, I will be the first to admit, as much as I hold the art form of the album on a pedestal, I realize it’s dying a slow death. Too many acts have lost sight of what it once meant. If you can’t capture the essence of a full body of work, then stick with singles and EP’s. Pop singer Robyn did this with her Body Talk EP’s and the Manchester band James did the same releasing two EP’s separately (together in the US on separate discs) to great artistic success. What you will find below are the ten records that rocked my world from the first drop of the needle (or CD/iPod cue) to the final dissipating reverb an hour later. While you can’t go wrong with any of the ten records below, also check out my runners up list. I was profoundly surprised by many of them. Kylie Minogue made a dance-pop masterpiece, violinist Lorenza Ponce, known for her work with Sheryl Crow and Bon Jovi, made a record sultry and erotic and punk rock band Against Me! blew me away with their arm waving choruses that would find a home on any radio dial. Then there were album that I must admit to loving but not spending nearly enough time with. Colin Gilmore, Kid Rock and Ryan Adams all were strong contenders for the Top-Ten list if only I had more time to spend with their respective works. However, I will remember 2010 for the Swedish pop band Sambassadeur, singer-songwriter Ruby James and the rag-tag rock outfit J Roddy Walston and the Business. All three came from out of nowhere and their records crawled under my skin, seeped into my psyche and remained near and dear to my heart all year. The other seven records could have been plucked from my DNA. Southside Johnny and the Jukes made his best record in nearly two decades, Courtney Love dug deep, Butch Walker and the Black Keys continues to evolve and amaze and Michael Franti and James simply make great music. So without further adieu, here are my ten favorite records from 2010.

Number One: Sambassadeur – ‘European’

A music friend sent me this record early last year and over the last 11-months, no other record permeated as strongly as this one. Imagine your favorite indie rock band being shot up with the DNA of ABBA and you have Sambassadeur, a Swedish pop-rock band who hail from Gothenburg. You’ve probably never heard of them, but this record is sweeping, romantic, sugary and absolutely ebullient. At a mere 9-songs that stretch 34-minutes, it’s a perfectly crafted indie-pop-rock masterpiece. Imagine a brilliant dream, the sight of a melting icicle foreshadowing spring, a summer day where the sky is blue and there isn’t a cloud in the sky or a Saturday in October where the leaves drop from a tree on your face in a magnificent moment that will stay enshrined in your mind forever. The 9-songs on European evoke clear-cut images that define you and console you in those trying times. Most album fail from being too subtle or too ambitious, but European finds a group who simply write great songs for no other reason than they want to. There isn’t a lot of studio wizardry here but on the flipside, it’s highly ambitious in its tunefulness as band members Daniel Permbo, Joachim Läckberg and Daniel Tolergård perform their instruments as if their life depended on it. They take it over-the-top when warranted and pull their reigns in giving a master class in subtlety. The music jolts you to life. The sound of the record feels as if it’s from the past yet Anna Persson’s vocals evoke nostalgia like something out of an Ingmar Bergman film where Liv Ullmann would act out. “Stranded” gallops away with a wall of sweeping sounds that will warm you at any time. “Days” is the greatest ABBA song never recorded and the album closer “Small Parade” finds a way to pull the whole album into focus. It’s a staggering record as it captures warmth and innocence while sounding fresh enough to be played a few dozen times before you even think of moving onto something else. Trust me when I say you’ll love this record, seek it out.

Number Two: Ruby James – ‘Happy Now’

Ruby James mines her soul on Happy Now in a way that is intensely delicate. She manages something rare by creating music where the listener can not only revel in the aural beauty but identify with it. The intricate and personal details make Happy Now more than a mere record but a cathartic exorcism. To anyone ever led astray, Happy Now will permeate profoundly with its brutal directness which shares not just despondency but elation, joy and discovery as well. Ruby James is aware of what’s in the rearview mirror but isn’t obsessed with it because her eyes are on the road ahead. An artist’s believability is only as good as the lock on the door to their soul. This door houses their inner anguish and their true consequence as an artist is relies on their inclination to bequeath the key to these secrets. Ruby James has dismantled the door to her heart and her piercing stories of woe, lost love and eternal searching are here for us to savor and we’re better for it.

Number Three: John Mellencamp – ‘No Better Than This’

John Mellencamp may be at his creative crest over the last few years and No Better Than This is a living example. While Mellencamp may be leaning his sound towards the past, he’s capturing the ache of the world in lyrics that are full of cold fury and pleas for redemption. Nine of the album’s thirteen songs were cut in Sun Studio in Memphis and amidst the spare instrumentation and mono sound you can feel the ambiance of those great Elvis, Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee Lewis records from the 1950’s. The restrained instrumentation helps entrench the lyrical emotions. It’s a rich record, steeped in the folk and blues of our countries past with themes that pinch you in the present.





Number Four: Michael Franti and Spearhead – ‘The Sound of Sunshine’

The Sound of Sunshine is the culmination of a trilogy of work where one is lost (Yell Fire), is found (All Rebel Rockers) and attempts to teach others with what he has discovered on their journey (The Sound of Sunshine). Michael Franti and Spearhead have achieved romantic nirvana with The Sound of Sunshine where they avoid the trappings of success and thrillingly rely on heartfelt passion to get their points across. It is an intoxicatingly joyous record showcasing Franti and Spearhead at the crest of their powers; their third masterwork in a row.






Number Five: J-Roddy Walston and the Business–‘J-Roddy Walston and the Business’

J-Roddy Walston and the Business deliver a rock n’ roll revival that will bring you salvation. There’s a warm communal feeling to the proceedings. It feels like a family jam on back porches where beer flows and the grill is always hot. Guitarist Billy Gordan provides skuzzy riffage while drummer Steve Colmus and bassist Logan Davis fasten the core of the music so it never swerves off-course. It would be uncomplicated to use the word “virtuosity” but it wouldn’t do all four of them justice. Each cut is infused with supple sincerity allowing the indisputable nature of the material to gleam. This extends beyond mere musical talent but a forging desire to comprehend the vernacular of each individual member which materializes into a thundering and fierce yowls which are tuneful. This music and band is too rich, too genuine and too real to be denied. Some acts wear their influences on their sleeves to their detriment, but J-Roddy Walston and the Business embrace their influences while their hearts are on their sleeves. If you love your rock n’ roll primordial, and downright dirty, this record is for you.

Number Six: The Black Keys – ‘Brothers’

The Black Keys should be a two-trick pony who is scuttling on the edge of complete obscurity. Amazingly, they’ve turned into one of the most vital rock bands on the planet. Brothers finds the Black Keys in command of not just their careers but their instinctual talent as well. They haven’t merely surprised us with continually evolving and showing shades of brilliance, they have executed it to perfection this time around. “Everlasting Light” has some harmonious backing vocals and a thick overlay of rhythm guitar that drives the song. There are colors here I wasn’t expecting. “Next Girl” feels like a lost Ike Turner song with its wah-wah guitar dueling against another melodic guitar in the mix. The largest obstacle any artist encounters is the ability to continually grow and evolve and if Brothers is any indication, the Black Keys are flourishing.

Number Seven: James – ‘The Morning After the Night Before’

If listened to close enough, The Morning After the Night Before is an album that vocalizes your intimate secrets with anticipation you may do something to ease those uncertainties. Every once in a while you hear a collection of songs that capture you fears, your hopes and your struggles. These 15-songs embrace the bloody vividness of life. There are silver linings of hope, but most of the songs reflect on the wistful wreckage of our bodies and minds. There is a thorny immediacy to these stories as the band pulls the listener into their tales of yearning where these characters are fighting with their place in life and you know what? So am I. At this particular time in my life, I’m dumbfounded by the state of the world, overwhelmed by circumstances beyond my control and searching for some solace in the world. It’s been a while since I’ve heard someone who can encapsulate my struggles in a fashion where they practically stole the thoughts from my head and heart. While far too many acts try to cuddle the world, James takes these themes into our lives and our homes on a much more intimate level. Some of these songs contain chords and melodies made for stadiums and others could be spoken word poems performed in a cottage. The songs are more developed than Wah Wah, yet not quite as polished as Seven, Millionaires or Hey Ma. Ultimately The Morning After The Night Before is not a step forward or backward, but the band flexing their muscles amidst a flurry of musical styles showcasing the more off-the-cuff writing side-by-side with their collaborative musical efforts. It’s definitively James and even though it’s a slow burner, if you listen close enough, you’ll be entranced and understand completely why these 15-songs are split across two individual and enlivening EP’s.

Number Eight: Butch Walker – ‘I Liked It Better When You Had No Heart’

Ever since debuting on the music scene two decades back, Butch Walker has proven to be a chameleon, continually evolving and dispatching what he knows for an unknown terrain. All of this from an artist who knows a thing or two about ferocious six-string riffs and melodies so tasty you engulfs them in one swift bite. Despite this penchant for melody, he has continually tested himself and his talent and continually thrusts himself to the furthermost extremes. Instead of pursuing fads or fashions, Walker has followed his own muse and made more than just a living for himself, but has molded a career that I’ll follow up until the end. Every artist yearns for this, but at times is scared of pushing the envelope for fear of alienating those who love your music. Butch Walker knows that if he continued to crank the amp up to “11”, he would be dishonest with himself and prove himself to be limiting. Life is about broadening your knowledge through new experiences and reveling in the beauty of discovery and no artist on the planet is augmenting their life more than Walker, the proof is in the records. A less aware individual would follow the lead of an A&R representative and create something just as familiar as his previous records, but Walker, once again, has opted for the road not taken. I Liked It Better When You Had No Heart contains such an onslaught of influences; it’s dizzying to see him meld them through these eleven songs with ease. There is a fusion of nostalgic influences all throughout the record from doo-wop to classic rock, to the Nashville songwriters of the fifties and sixties to the warm sonic of ELO. Despite leaning on the past, the album sounds impeccably fresh, warm and pertinent.

Number Nine: Hole – ‘Nobody’s Daughter’

The latest Hole record Nobody’s Daughter finds Courtney Love wresting with a crisis of faith. It’s an endearing and stirring record where Love doesn’t just make confessional pleas to a higher power but details her trials and tribulations and at the end of the record, there’s thunderbolt commencement reinvigorating not just her spirit but ours as well. The arrival of Nobody’s Daughter comes amidst four years of intense labor where Love experienced five lifetimes of events. Through her heightened consciousness, these trials and tribulations have forced Love to reckon from within. Make no mistake; this is by no means a religious record, but rather an intensely spiritual excursion where our infamous narrator takes us on a voyage of self-renewal where she attempts to uncover the secrets of the soul. Spirituality, the afterworld, death, destruction, sin and unanswered prayers infuse the eleven songs on Nobody’s Daughter. The album’s preeminent track, “Letter To God” may be her most masterful recording to date. Despite being written by Linda Perry, Love wills the song into existence and like Christina Aguilera did with “Beautiful”, she conjures up absolute believability behind her seizing and searing vocals which are delivered like a distressing prayer. This unbridled honesty and awakening makes Love more accessible, credible and ultimately it crystallizes her music in ways I don’t think anyone could have imagined. The lyrics take you on a whirlwind journey painting pictures of devastation, redemption along with a pining for emancipation. Like Christ’s pleading wish to God above to not be crucified, you can hear Love’s bewilderment with the state of her world, yet on “Never Go Hungry”, a shimmering acoustic number is a sprawling declaration. As she snarls the chorus, “I will never go hungry, go hungry again”, the tough-talking delivery reaffirms her liberation and if Love can walk through fire and come out on the other end, it opens up unlimited possibilities for anyone fortunate enough to hear her music. Love severed a piece of her soul so that not only can she make sense of it, but in the hopes someone else will crawl out of the depths of their own personal hell and make it to the other side. The greatest records are ones where the listener can dive into, get swallowed whole and come out the other end with a better understanding of themselves; Nobody’s Daughter is one of those records.

Number Ten: Southside Johnny – ‘Pills and Ammo’

Pills and Ammo is an album full of simplistic strengths and highlights what a great rhythm, blues, soul and rock band truly is. When you hear some of these other acts attempt to forge new ground in the rock-blues template, you hear musicians attempting to capture lightning in a bottle and it comes off as a bunch of fans trying to imitate greatness. The mix, the aural aesthetic and the performances are all top-notch making it the best Southside Johnny record since 1991’s Better Days.. In many ways, Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, despite an ever revolving line-up, have stayed truest to the genealogy of rock ‘n roll than most other artists who make such claims. Southside Johnny’s Pills and Ammo doesn’t emulate anyone or anything, this music is tattooed into their DNA and flows as free as water down a river. What differentiates Pills and Ammo from other artists attempting the blues-rock template is that Southside and the Jukes aren’t trying to be something they’re not. Many of the rock-blues records from the past few years may be good, but make no mistake; most of those acts are merely students while Southside is a professor whose knowledge of the art form is engrained into his consciousness. Pills and Ammo is the sound of a master showing his students how it’s done.

Runners Up:

Against Me! ‘White Crosses’, Frightened Rabbit ‘The Winter of Mixed Drinks’; Kid Rock ‘Born Free’; Arcade Fire ‘The Suburbs’; Lady Gaga ‘The Fame Monster’; Patty Griffin ‘Downtown Church’; Lorenza Ponce ‘Soul Shifter’; Kylie Minogue ‘Aphrodite’; Johnny Cash ‘American VI: Ain't No Grave’; Colin Gilmore ‘Goodnight Lane’; Ryan Adams ‘Cardinals III/IV’; Robert Plant ‘Band of Joy’; Shelby Lynne ‘Tears, Lies, and Alibis’; Sheryl Crowe ‘100 Miles from Memphis’; Mumford & Sons ‘Sigh No More’


Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I've got my ho ho ho...

Yes, the time has very slowly crept up on us and has at the last minute pounced on us and torn us apart (or is that just me) Christmas is just around a very short and sharp corner and I have to say that I am really looking forward to it. Ever since I moved out from my parents I think that Christmas has gotten more important as I barely see my family (and I know for some people that is a dream come true) I am not one of these people! One thing that is incredibly bad about Christmas is retail. I don’t think I have ever had such a struggle and stressful time in my life trying to communicate with something that clearly does not want to be talked to. (I mean its like talking to Gordon Brown!... You can chat as much as you want but you know he will not be listening!) So I want to put shame upon anyone who goes out shopping on Boxing day. I do not care about the sales (Sale is Latin for crap no one wants) I do not care if you are bored and I do not care if you want a family outing... You go out side on boxing day and shame on you! One thing that I will be looking forward to is the new year when everything gets back to normal (well I say normal I mean we just have to pay even more in taxes and basically ruin our lives!) and then I will probably (but hopefully not) have another year to worry about working on Boxing day again! I also would like to mention that I have finally created my Christmas vlog on my youtube channel and this will be my last youtube video until after Christmas now. I hope all of you have a great christmas and I hope you join me back here after you have all got stuffed, put all the wrapping paper in the bin and had a jolly good old time!, Thatmfeeling

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Concert Review: John Mellencamp- Chicago 11/27/2010

John Mellencamp: Sinners, Saints & Survivors
Chicago Theatre- November 27, 2010
Chicago, IL
By Anthony Kuzminski

{Pictures courtesy of www.mellencamp.com}

  • Previously published on antiMusic
  • Read all related John Mellencamp reviews and articles HERE


The darkened stage is filled with instruments sitting in the shadows as the sold-out crowd of 3,600 sat in silence while a single spotlight shines on John Mellencamp and his violinist Miriam Strum as they perform his 1989 single “Jackie Brown”. I’ve heard “Jackie Brown” hundreds of times over the last 20-years, but inside the Chicago Theatre, John Mellencamp wrangled with it in a downright evocative and compelling manner. Years of seeing it amidst sledgehammer singles in larger venues, made me look the other way. Mellencamp’s reedy voice provided the crowd with visceral images that were difficult to shake. It was as if I was hearing it for the first time. His tales of a poor man who can’t catch a break is more effective and real than any pie chart of excel spreadsheet. You can see the holes in the clothes of Jackie Brown; see the defeat in his eyes and the depth of despair on his face all through the gripping vocal delivery. The job of an artist is to teach and through their art, they hope to educate people on something they may not fully grasp. Just like Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver) become the post child for alienation three-decades back, Jackie Brown is the poster child for a failed government. As we sit around and let the world manipulate us through a series of political talk shows where talking heads spew forth venom, it’s up to the listener to discern the truth. No one knew it at the time, but John Melllencamp’s foresight into the state of America two-decades back was scarily spot-on. Never given the credit he has deserved, Mellencamp has made a career of piercing into the American psyche much like filmmaker Martin Scorsese. Both men obsess about characters that reek authenticity. Scorsese comes from the streets of New York and Mellencamp from the pastures of the Midwest and even though they grew up a thousand miles apart, these two men have helped capture the essence of what it means to be an American. Scorsese has inner insight into backstreet deals where gangsters rule the streets, but Mellencamp has a way of breathing life into the unpretentious characters of our nation whose dreams have been decimated by government thugs. John Mellencamp’s latest concert tour is full of American fools, dreamers, saints, sinners and above all else survivors. For over two hours, Mellencamp shined a light on these characters in what is more than his best concert tour in nearly two decades, but without question, the best concert I experienced all of 2010.

Closing out the first leg of his intimate theater tour (picking back up early next year for 3-additional months of dates), the show began with the Johnny Cash song, “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” setting the tone for an evening. The last time Mellencamp toured theaters was in the winter and spring of 1997 but it was a wholly separate event. Despite a high throttle set on well known hits, you couldn’t help but feel one had seen the show before. Only two songs from his latest album, the adventurous Mr. Happy Go Lucky were aired. The current tour leans heavily on Mellencamp’s rebirth over the last decade where he’s gone from pop star to roots interpreter and lastly to the reborn John Mellencamp. With the release of Life, Death, Love and Freedom Mellencamp has seem to find his inner muse and for the first time since 1992, he appears to have brought it along on the concert stage as well. The show is his longest in terms of time and number of songs since his 1992 tour and more than that, it’s his best. Weaving more than three decades worth of songs about alienation and desolation is no easy feat, but Mellencamp and his gun slinging band are up for the task.

Opening the show with a stern and stripped “Authority Song”, the instrumentation has been reduced to the essentials; guitar, bass and drum. The arrangement would have elicited a smirk from Keith Richards, a purist at heart. This is precisely what made the whole show such a revelation. The band currently backing Mellencamp is his best since his late 80’s heyday. Longtime guitarist Mike Wanchic expanded his six-string horizons with additional percussion and mandolin. Miriam Strum colors in the open spaces with her violin, while bassist Jon E. Gee thrillingly slaps his bass when it needs to be rousing and dexterously glides his hands across the strings of the upright bass on more solemn numbers. Drummer Dane Clark spent most of the show on a two piece drum kit (better known as a cocktail drum kit) which let his thundering talent sit on the bench in service of the songs. Troye Kinnett embellished the songs with his accordion and bar room piano playing. However, the standout performance of the evening belonged to guitarist Andy York. Besides being Mellencamp’s guitarist for nearly two-decades, his guitar work is angry, possessive and distressing. When a vocal infliction isn’t appropriate York finds a way whether it be electric, acoustic or a banjo to help flesh out the emotions bristling underneath Mellencamp’s lyrics. “No One Cares About Me”, “Don’t Need This Body” and “Right Behind Me” found York’s guitar stirring voices from beyond with hypnotizing focus. The discipline the band has brought to these songs allows them to breathe in unforeseeable ways. “Deep Blue Heart”, a lost cut from 2001, was given new life in an artfully fragile delivery (It is also featured on his superb box set released earlier this year, On the Rural Route 7609). “Death Letter” (from Trouble No More) trembled with a rigorous blues groove. “Walk Tall” was transformed into a depression era country honk rendering with Troye Kinnett piano evoking a Big Easy ambiance. Mellencamp has never shied away from reinvigorating arrangements in concert whether it’s a stone cold classic or a new cut and “The West End” was subjected to a beefier arrangement highlighted by an unearthly yelp where Mellencamp turned up the volume to drive his point home. “Small Town” may have been performed alone on acoustic but it lost none of its triumph while “Cherry Bomb” was full-on a capella with the 3,600 in attendance providing backing vocals.

It wasn’t until the evening’s 18th performance which finally placed Dane Clark behind his full drum kit where for the remainder of the show the delivery of the songs veered towards menace. By restraining themselves for 90-minutes, the full band attack came across as a world under siege. It was a meticulous move that worked. Close to the bone renditions of “Paper In Fire” and “The Real Life”, “What If I Came Knocking” found the crowd singing along to every word as the lyrics were etched into their minds despite some novel arrangements. Followed by “If I Die Sudden” and “No Better Than This” and “Pink Houses” the crowd watched John Mellencamp do more than be a human jukebox but an artist evolving in front of their eyes. This growth spilled over to the concert stage with a set that balanced his classics (all in brave new arrangements) against his salient new material. The commercially appealing sonic nature of some of his 1980’s recordings may have misguided people, but on stage Mellencamp’s perfectly aged voice cuts through you not just scratching you but hitting arteries in the process.

This is the type of tour artists of stature spend years talking about, but almost never do. Even when acts take the plunge going back to theaters, the results is sometimes less than satisfying (R.E.M. and Neil Young come to mind). Few are brave enough to perform in halls this small (out of fear of revenue loss) and others fail to properly execute a show that does their catalog justice. Mellencamp’s 2-plus hour set was flawlessly constructed with material hearkening back three decades. The theater allowed the audience to get up close and personal with these songs as if they have known them their whole life. Instead of being cast off as mere throwaways, they can delicately digest them and wrap themselves around them in ways that are not possible in an arena or amphitheater. No Better Than This and Life, Death, Love and Freedom capture the essence of the American experience the same way notable American auteur like Martin Scorsese. With Mellencamp’s attention to detail and his instinctive realism, his music has never been more vivacious or vital than it is at this moment in time. Heading down the road less traveled, Mellencamp’s message may not reach the same numbers as they once did, but generations from now, this period will be seen as his most fertile. One can only hope a live album or DVD is planned as the show is a triumph molding personal and political intimacies few other artists would dare to wrangle.

While Martin Scorsese has made a career capturing a wildly eccentric characters who are guilt ridden seeking salvation ranging from Charlie in Mean Streets to Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull to Frank Pierce in Bringing Out the Dead to Billy Costigan in The Departed, John Mellencamp has weaved tales about American fools who bought into the American dream only to realize they were sold a lie. Mellencamp’s stories may take place in a more rural setting far away from the streets, but they are every bit as detailed and divine. He takes you inside our homes to the kitchen tables where bills are discussed, tears are shed and dreams are diminished. This voice was alive and well on the concert stage as he evoked stark images you couldn’t shake from your psyche. On his current concert tour, these tears are wet, the kitchen tables are old and the struggles are realistic. This especially hit home on two specifics numbers; “Longest Days” and “Save Some Time To Dream”. These may be the two greatest songs Mellencamp has ever committed to tape. Despite highlighting the tragedies and shortcomings of the world over the last decade, it’s a pair of songs that remind us of the John Mellencamp is still capable of inspiring. On “Save Some Time To Dream”, Mellencamp stood alone on stage with nothing other than an acoustic guitar around his neck and as each word escaped from his mouth, it was like a prayer being sent out. In a world so filled with bile, it urges us to seek the beauty the world has to offer. Any act can steal headlines from a newspaper and write a song, but it’s when they bare themselves naked that defines an artist. It’s when they aren’t afraid to let the audience into their mind, body and soul. “Longest Days” is a solemn tale of growing old, something we don’t discuss or debate in a youth obsessed culture. However, with plaintive strumming and additional fret work by Andy York, there was vulnerability in the performance that made me stand up take notice and make me feel dangerously alive in the theater setting as Mellencamp gasped “Nothing lasts forever /And your best efforts don't always pay /Sometimes you get sick /And you don't get better / That's when life is short /Even in its longest days”. Mellencamp’s ability to break down his art to the most basic of levels is what makes his recent rebirth so rewarding. He has lived and experienced life to the fullest and to those listening closely; he’s sharing his secrets and formulas to liberation. The characters within Mellencamp’s work are all part of the American psyche. They may reside most of the time on albums, but truly come to life on the concert stage. This is where their hearts beat, their blood flows and their eyes penetrate the world. These saints, sinners and survivors are more than background noise, but characters brought to life through the ferociousness of John Mellencamp and his band. You may enter the theater in the hopes of escaping the world for a few hours, but instead you will leave with not just a better understanding of the world, but more importantly, yourself.

Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter









Monday, December 20, 2010

Snow Way!


Okay so I am finding the news very boring now (I do not usually!). Every year we have the same news “The UK comes to a stand still because it is snowing!” (I do also love the people that shout “OMG its snowing” like no one else nows) and every year you would think they (they as in the controlling people!) would learn from mistakes or things that were done the previous year but it does not seem like anything improves. I completely understand that if it snows then there will be disruption because everything is slippery, dangerous (I would know I slip down many slopes on my way around London) but do we really expect mass long delays and problems such as this. I think that maybe they should just blast salt bombs over London so all the snow melts (how fun would that be! you are out drunk.. you hear a loud explosion and then suddenly you get covered in salt!) or maybe heat Heathrow airports runways (also why is the most important airport that seems to have the problems!) anyway, I guess I will post something very similar next year when exactly the same thing happens because I guess it will tae something very huge and problematic for companies, the government and other people to put new things in place! (roll on summer is all I can say!) We are all a funny bunch though because we (British people mainly) do talk about the weather SO much! if its sunny it is in the news because its such a rare occurrence and when it rains it is in the news because maybe it flooded betties drive way and now her car has sailed down the road. Anyway... bring back the news stories about cows giving birth and the dog with one leg that learnt how to walk again... make us happy news people!!

John Mellencamp live review up on antiMusic

My live review of the first leg closer for John Mellencamp is HERE on antiMusic.

If you don't have tickets for when the tour kicks back up in February, do yourself a favor and see Mellencamp at his best in over two decades.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

I've Got "U" Babe

Leading up to this morning I had 3 choices in mind when it came to attending a Sunday service.

I could attend the Unity Centre where I have been regularly attending for months now. (But I could skip a week since I'll be there on Wednesday night for a candlelight service.)

I could attend First Unitarian, where I attended for quite awhile - and I still have an affinity for the congregation. This particular Sunday a retired Anglican priest was speaking. Very tempting.

But at the last moment I decided on First United Church, at the corner of William and King in Uptown Waterloo. Why did I choose United this morning? My friend Felicia, the former minister at First Unitarian, is now the minister at First United. We once led a book group at First Unitarian; the book was The Heart of Christianity by Marcus Borg.

My first impression when I walked into the sanctuary was "My goodness this is big!" The service was full of music, with the choir in the balcony, a children's choir, a youth ensemble, and a handbell choir; all did a good job, though I have to admit I kept thinking Saturday Night Live could do a great spoof on the handbell choir - call me a dingdong but it just looks funny!

There was very little in the service that didn't sit well with me, except for the prayer of confession, that, although not as offensive as I've heard in many Christian services, still asked God to forgive us for our disbelief.

The sermon, or homily, was the best part of the service. It was wonderful to see my friend in her usual ministerial stoll (like a religious scarf) complete with the Unitarian chalice symbol on it!

The gist of the sermon was that God is not some celestial being who is distant from us. Rather, in the birth of Jesus we see God connecting with humanity. Rev. Felicia took it further (much to my inner applause) by saying that each of us - not just Jesus - is born without sin and has divinity "stamped" upon our very DNA. Bravo! I loved it! It went along well with the book I am reading by the late Unity minister Eric Butterworth, "Discover The Power Within You."

3 choices. Unity, Unitarian, or United. I'm glad that this Sunday I chose the latter.

...And oh, tonight I'm going Anglican for a traditional carols and lessons service. :)

Blessings from Cafe 1842 in Uptown Waterloo,

Mark Andrew



Sent from my Tricorder.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Don’t let your time slip away, or be stolen by someone else

I've had a lot on my mind as of late. Music has been a wonderful escape as of late. It hasn't been much of a distraction but has been healing. In it, I find a way to process life. My favorite song from all of 2010 is probably John Mellencamp's "Save Some Time To Dream" from his No Better Than This record. I think I have been listening to the song daily as a reminder that no matter what one encounters, it's  the people you share your life with that matters; the rest is superfluous. It doesn't feel that way when we are confronting pain head on. In fact, the battle we forge daily is enough to extinguish one's heart and mind forever. But it's  the simple reminders that keep us on our toes, our feelings in touch and are hearts and minds open.
I wrote extensively about "Save Some Time To Dream" HERE and HERE. I also wrote about No Better Than This HERE and HERE.

Feeling a bit disillusioned with things beyond your control? Listen to this song, I promise you; you will feel better.

T

The Best Concert of 2010: Sinners, Saints & Survivors

My review of the best concert of 2010 will appear on the front page of antiMusic tomorrow. My apologies for the lack of updates as of late, but I've had to focus on life a little more attentively.

Here's a small sample of the review. I won't unveil the show or artist until tomorrow, but here is a hint.

This is the type of tour artists of stature spend years talking about, but almost never do. Even when acts take the plunge going back to theaters, the results is sometimes less than satisfying (R.E.M. and Neil Young come to mind). Few are brave enough to perform in halls this small (out of fear of revenue loss) and others fail to properly execute a show that does their catalog justice.The theater allowed the audience to get up close and personal with these songs as if they have known them their whole life. Instead of being cast off as mere throwaways, they can delicately digest them and wrap themselves around them in ways that are not possible in an arena or amphitheater.
 

 While Martin Scorsese has made a career capturing a wildly eccentric characters who are guilt ridden seeking salvation ranging from Charlie in Mean Streets to Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull to Frank Pierce in Bringing Out the Dead to Billy Costigan in The Departed, **** **** has weaved tales about American fools who bought into the American dream only to realize they were sold a lie.****’s stories may take place in a more rural setting far away from the streets, but they are every bit as detailed and divine. He takes you inside our homes to the kitchen tables where bills are discussed, tears are shed and dreams are diminished. This voice was alive and well on the concert stage as he evoked stark images you couldn’t shake from your psyche. On his current concert tour, these tears are wet, the kitchen tables are old and the struggles are realistic. 


Go here on Friday 12/17 to find out. 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

When The Soul Felt Its Worth

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.


One of my favourite Christmas carols is O Holy Night. I think it is beautiful and the way the song rises to a majestic crescendo raises one's spirits this time of the year. That is, if your spirit needs raising.

For me, there are so many things this time of the year that raise my spirit. The tree, the wreaths, the ice skaters in front of city hall, the egg nog, the music, the movies, time spent with family and friends.

I found myself singing O Holy Night in the shower this morning, and heard a line in an entirely new and different way.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, in the last several years I have struggled to find a new meaning of Christmas that aligns with my ever-evolving beliefs. This year I can once again appreciate the birthday of Jesus as way-shower, as well as the Christ presence within me and all of humanity. Christ was not Jesus' last name, it is that divine spark that dwells in the hearts of every man and woman, if only we would recognize it.

Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.

The image comes to mind that since the beginning of humanity the soul in everyone has wanted to rise up and exert its power, but perhaps there hadn't been all that many stellar examples of what this kind of life would look like. And then Jesus comes along. Jesus came along to show the way to live. What's more, while many Christian theologians assert that Jesus was sent "down" to earth from a literal Heaven, and became less (a man) for our sakes, I am coming to believe that Jesus did not come down to tell us how sinful we are and therefore in need of salvation from Hell, but that his message was this: "The divine, the spark of God lives within all of humanity, each and every one of you. I have not come to tell you how bad you are, but instead to help you realize that you are one with the Divine." Through his life, Jesus went on to show how powerful a difference it could make in the life of a human if she realized that God was not "up there" or "out there" somewhere, but that each of us has that power within us. The soul finally felt its worth, stood up and shouted "Finally! I've been waiting for this my whole life!" Jesus emphasized what kind of power was already within us when he said things like: "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you," and "You will do greater things (than even me)."

The late Unity minister Eric Butterworth writes in his classic Discover The Power Within You, that Jesus came to be a window by which humanity could look through and see an example of divinity at work in humanity. But what did humanity do? Humanity instead worshiped the window, put it on a pedestal, and for the large part, missed his point entirely. They admired the frame, the smoothness of the glass, the windowsill. And missed the point entirely. We love to worship people and things. We worship singers, actors, models, athletes, anyone who possesses a quality that we find admirable or extraordinary. But this, in my opinion, was not what Jesus wanted whatsoever. Jesus did not live so that a religion would be named after him, so that churches and denominations would exist in his name. In fact, he deflected praise when someone dared call him "Good Teacher." 'Why do you call me good? Only God is good." That doesn't sound like someone who desired to be worshiped.

Jesus wanted to show humanity the way. He wanted us to look through the window. He wanted to show us what it looked like to live a divinely inspired life, a life at one with God.

I pray that this Christmastime your soul will feel its worth as someone who is a beloved Daughter or Son of God.

Blessings,

Mark Andrew

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Scissor Sisters, Invisible Light


Well, I have just finished watching the new Scissor sisters video “Invisible light” I have to say I am rather shocked but also impressed. I really like the song and when I first brought the album I have to say it was one of my instant favorites but it was also one of those songs that could have had a very tacky music video if it ever had been released and I really think that they have done well with it. From the very second the video starts you know its going to be rather odd but intriguing video and it made me want to watch the whole video. I love the old (dare I say it) “Vintage” feel but I really wish that the members of the band were in the video, even if it was for a couple of flashes. I am sure people will say that the idea of the video is not to have them in it but it would have just been a perfect addition. I am also very sure that the video will get some negative publicity too as there is nudity, blood and dead animals but it really kept me watching (and shivering)! Generally I recommend everyone to watch it and the very second this video makes its way to itunes (Probably the edited version though!) I will be buying it! Congratulations Scissor Sisters... You have done it again! 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Love

Unity's Daily Word for Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Love

I open my heart to the all-powerful love of God.

The love of God is a powerful force for good. Divine love mends differences, creates joy and opens hearts and lives to unlimited blessings.

Love is the foundation of all unity. Where love is, there can be no differences, separation or inharmony. Divine love allows us to hold to the truth that only good is at work and that only good prevails.

Love is "the fulfilling of the law," the assurance that there is something greater to experience, something more to enjoy. Love is magnetic. It draws to itself every good thing.

I am developing a love consciousness. I feel divine love at work within me now, causing me to see myself and others in the right light, the light of love.

Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.--Romans 13:10

Sunday, December 12, 2010

An Old Hindu Legend

...hewned from the Prologue to Eric Butterworth's "Discover The Power Within You."

According to an old Hindu legend there was a time when all men were gods, but they so abused their divinity that Brahma, the chief god, decided to take it away from men and hide it where they would never again find it. Where to hide it became the big question.

When the lesser gods were called in council to consider this question, they said, "We will bury man's divinity deep in the earth." But Brahma said, "No, that will not do, for man will dig deep down in the earth and find it." Then they said, "Well, we will sink his divinity into the deepest ocean." but again Brahma replied, "No, not there, for man will learn to dive into the deepest waters, will search out the ocean bed, and will find it."

Then the lesser gods said, "We will take it to the top of the highest mountain and there hide it." But again Brahma replied, "No, for man will eventually climb every high mountain on earth. he will be sure some day to find it and take it up again for himself." Then the lesser gods gave up and concluded, "We do not know where to hide it, for it seems there is no place on earth or in the sea that man will not eventually reach."

Then Brahma said, "Here is what we will do with man's divinity. We will hide it deep down in man himself, for he will never think to look for it there." Ever since then, the legend concludes, man has been going up and down the earth, climbing, digging, diving, exploring, searching for something that is already in himself.

Two thousand years ago a man named Jesus found it and shared its secret; but in the movement that sprang up in His name, the Divinity of Man has been the best kept secret of the ages.

Xfactor disappointment!

yes I have to say that I am not a fan of Matt from the Xfactor (he looks like he has slept for his whole life and he sounds like it too... a bit too much out of bed look). I find him very boring and just bland compared to the other people and their styles throughout the show (not to mention that outfit he was wearing! who puts neon yellow trousers with... well... anything!). I knew before Cher went that Matt was going to win because we seem to all vote for the safe bet on this show! (and I am told he is a rough hunk... I am still waiting to see it though) Now okay, yes I sound like an Xfactor fanatic but I really am not! (and I know that is what people say that really love the show but pretend not too! ...just once I saw and heard Cher it kept me watching over the weekends) but I am not one of these people that stops their lives for it (the 21 million of you now who you are! and I had the decency to delay my viewing by an HOUR!) you could at least just watch it on ITV player when you get home after a drunk night of madness! (or work in my case) but yes... I will not be buying Matt’s album or single as I would rather listen to Katie Price (they both moan and wine! and that is saying something!) so what a disappointing end to such a fun and mad filled show! anyway what else has been going on with me!? well I have recently created my first video after my departure from the 7GAW (I had a little tiny break just to sort my channels out) so that is done and I will link the video below and I talk about some of the news stories that have been interesting me over the past week or so (hope you like!) anyway I have a day off tomorrow (nearly today by the time I post this up) so I am going to have a day like no other! SLEEP! yay I cant actually wait!. But first I think its a candle lit film time so blog again soon! (Plus please let me know what you think of the background and logos... I know they are very different than the last ones but I hope they are a grower!) Blogging love, Thatmfeeling

Friday, December 10, 2010

Christmas 2010: Awakening To The Christ Presence Within

The lights, the trees, the music - Bing, Frank, Boney M, the movies - It's A Wonderful Life, White Christmas, Rudolph. The tinsel, the wreaths, the church services. I love everything about Christmas.

But what does it all mean? My first thought is that I admit I try to dig into the deeper meanings of almost everything; I admit that I use my brain too much. If Christmas were just about what I mentioned above, I think I'd be happy with that. There would be plenty to be joyful about.

However, Christmas used to be so shrouded in religious meaning for me for twenty-some-odd years that now I still grapple with what deeper, more spiritual meaning it could have.

My beliefs about Christmas have evolved as I have evolved. For those twenty or so years Christmas was about the Son of God, Jesus, being sent down to earth and being born of a virgin, sent to be the Saviour of all humankind. However, those beliefs began to shift - it was more like an earthquake, as my beliefs changed. I no longer believed that humanity's nature is sinful, thus we didn't need someone to sacrifice himself for our sins in order for us to be acceptable to God.

Two years ago I wrote an article for this blog called Before, When I Had A Saviour. The title itself was perhaps slightly antagonistic to Facebook friends who were evangelicals, but in re-reading it just now for the first time in months, I really enjoy the article. The crux of the article is that when we reach outward for a saviour, we dull our own ability and our own powers within us.

Which brings me to this year. The last couple of years I have softly tried to find my reason for Christmas. There wasn't the Saviour notion anymore, so I mainly concentrated on those movies, and music, goodwill, peace, eggnog (mmm...eggnog.)

This year there is a new idea coming to mind. And that is that perhaps at Christmastime we can concentrate on the Christ-consciousness within each and every one of us. There is the popular phrase that many Christians like to use that "God's last name is not Dammit." Well, I would also say that Jesus' last name was not Christ. The Christ consciousness, to my understanding, is that spark of divinity and connection with the Divine that each of us has. So at Christmastime we can celebrate the birth of this man who obviously realized humanity's divine nature and taught us many invaluable lessons, but we can also celebrate our own divinity, our own Christ consciousness. I was part of a group on the subject of prayer at my spiritual centre recently, and the leader went around the circle calling each of us "the Christ." Mary The Christ, Robert The Christ, Mark Andrew The Christ. I believe that this is not scandalous at all, but it is our birthright. The meaning of Jesus was not that one man would come down and do miraculous, powerful things, but that this man, who realized his Christ nature, would show us ours as well. He believed that we could do powerful, powerful things. "Ask and it will be given to you," "“Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, “Be taken up and thrown into the sea”, and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you," "Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these."

So what is our job at Christmastime spiritually speaking? I believe it may be to let every heart prepare the Christ consciousness room. To rid ourselves not only of malice, unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, but also of small-minded thinking that we are merely powerless human beings. Charlotte Shelton, President and CEO of Unity World Headquarters, writes: "Will you let the Christ consciousness be fully born anew in you this Christmas? As we do so, we will create a world of peace and plenty, but first we must awaken to our potential. Are you ready? Do you feel the labor pains? Let's start preparing the manger of our hearts because a new day is about to be born … first inside of us … then in the material world."

This Christmas, may we celebrate the birth of Jesus the Christ, and realize anew our own Christ presence.

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Mark Andrew

Getting Back In Touch With Our Hidden Innocence

There's something about this time of year that can sometimes make me feel like I'm 5 years old again. Tonight, an Enya Christmas song called The Spirit of Christmas Past is doing the trick. But sometimes it is the Christmas trees, the wreaths, the strands of lights weaving around the trees Uptown here. And it's the music and the movies, like It's A Wonderful Life and Rudolph.

Somewhere underneath everything we've become in order to be grown-ups is that inner 5-year old, giddy on Christmas Eve with anticipation of Santa's arrival. We'll put out cookies and milk for Kris Kringle, and carrots for his reindeer. We'll have written him a couple weeks prior to tell him what gifts we want, and we'll line up to sit on his knee in the shopping mall. Even if our childhood was less than ideal, there is still that magical dreamer in us that loves this time of the year. And this time of the year it is allowed to come out. As we shop in bustling malls, as we actually smile and say "Hello" at the passerby on the street, as we belt out Hark The Herald Angels Sing at church.

It is that part of us that has been untouched by cynicism, anger or bitterness. It is the dreamer in us, and when we get in touch with it, it is as if we could sprout wings and fly as high as the Bethlehem angels.

Maybe this year we'll learn that we don't have to shove that 5-year old dreamer back inside our hearts once this festive season passes. Dreams, having a wonder-ing, awestruck heart are good things. Playfulness and broad smiles are things we never have to grow out of.

I hope that during this busy Christmastime, when that feeling of innocence and joy hits you, you will revel in it and give it plenty of breathing room. And that when this time of the year has passed, you will keep part of that with you all throughout the new year.

Blessings,

Mark Andrew

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Spray painted Willy's on London!


I am really shocked by the news today of the student protests that have been, and still continuing throughout London today (it is far too cold to protest!) . Firstly I would never use violence to get what I want as it makes you just as bad or even worse than the people that you are aiming it towards. Secondly I am so shocked because London is such a beautiful city and the fact that people think its okay to spray paint monuments that have been standing, some for hundreds of years and also to smash windows and scare people around you.(I think they should find out who made the damage and then go and smash the windows in on their houses and spray paint willy’s all over their doors!) You may be angry that the government is not running the way you may want it to but that gives you no right to vandalise its surrounding. After all, in the end it is all of us that will have to pay to clean the city up in the end.(and then have to increase fees because the remaining money has to go on the clean up!)  What shocks me even more is prince Charles and Camilla’s car being attacked by protesters too. These people have done nothing to deserve that and I feel very sorry for them because it must have been a very scary situation for anyone to be in that position. The shame is that the majority that protested were safe and peaceful and that the majority of the vandals have no intention of going to university of even go to college and are using this situation as a reason to vandalise. It should be them that have to clean up the city when and if they are caught. What surprises me however is that it took me 1 hour to get down Oxford street by bus and it was only when my bus left the street that the protests actually turned up there! bloody street!!! Whilst I am complaining I would also like to say that fat and ugly women that moan about not having a seat on the bus, finally get one because some poor sod gives up his seat... only to find out that she was on the bus for one stop! should have just waled that one stop because maybe that would actually benefit her life. Stupid cow! (and stops!) love you all and hope that your Thursday evening is going great! (unlike the people being help on that bridge in London at the moment! :P)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Do You, Or Should You Love Yourself?

It's a simple question really. Do you, or for that matter, should you love yourself? My answer to this question is a loud and enthusiastic "Yes!"

What is the first thing that you think or say when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning? There are many options:

"Man, my hair sucks today." "Look at the bags under my eyes; I look 10 years older than I actually am." "I'm a fat pig." "Who could love and accept me the way that I am right now?"

I offer that more people than you think say or think such things to themselves each morning. And what are the consequences? The day begins on a negative note, with self-rejection and even self-loathing. It's no wonder then that the rest of the day only brings more reasons and opportunities to dislike or be disgusted by oneself.

What I would like to say to you is that you are worthy to be loved. You are loved and lovable. Try looking at yourself in the mirror each morning and saying that, regardless of any of the other negative voices that may be trying to fill your mind. Stand there, look into your own eyes and say "I am so loved, and I am so lovable."

I think that many people come to loathe or dislike themselves from a fairly early age. Perhaps this is because of pressure from their peers at school, or maybe they don't hear positive messages of reinforcement from their family of origin. But I think there's almost nothing more powerful in the world than self-love. When you come from this place, you are able to give and receive love throughout your day. Often we are far kinder to people around us than we are to ourselves. It's time to stop this nagging bad habit.

Perhaps some would say that this view I'm taking is arrogant or over-the-top. To that I would simply say no. When we love others or ourselves, powerful vibrations in us occur, vibrations that are sent out into the world and attract even more love toward us. Love spreads throughout our world.

For some reason we often believe that it's perfectly natural to love the people around us, but it's not so clear when it comes to ourselves. But I would encourage you today, the next time you walk past a mirror, to state: "I love myself the way I am, and I am lovable."

Blessings,

Mark Andrew

Monday, December 6, 2010

Just One Of Those Days


Yes its just one of those days! One of those days that has really made me think (oddly! That does not usually happen!) I met some people today that made me realise who I do not want to become. They were old, they were grumpy and they were extremely bitter. I am sure that no one wants to end up like that but it made me feel very sorry for them. I hope that they can sit in front of a mirror and really take a good look at themselves. Life is far too short to be like that and I just pray that I will never end up like that.... And if I do someone locks me in a room for a couple of years! It was a good day though however, it made me think and it was also very Christmassy! (I am usually a humbug working within retail but it was actually nice to listen to bands making Christmas music whilst I was shopping) Even though I think it put me in such a Christmassy mood that I spent far too much money! (damn them!) Also today was the day where I made my last video for 7GAW. It was very emotional! I still need to edit it but it left me in a mood where I do not want to finish it because I just don’t want the channel to end! When you do something for so long with people that you really enjoy “working” with then you just come accustomed to making videos each week. Now that it has gone, or is going I know that it will feel very strange. (lets hope that after a long break we can all come back!) even though saying that I really do not want to be the one clinging onto something when the others may want to move on! so yes...today has been one of those days, some negative things and some positive things...but I have to say I have actually enjoyed it! I shall finish it off by watching some desperate housewives, drinking some amazing green tea and then reading a book (because I have not read a book for ages)! I hope everything is going well for any of you that are reading this :) (and I hope its going crap for anyone that does not get this far in reading:P)

Coming Out Of The Depression Closet

The 50 or 60-something character Saul from the ABC drama Brothers & Sisters is sitting in his nephews car, dejected and still a little inebriated. A few minutes before he had called Kevin to come bail him out of jail after driving under the influence and ramming his car into a tree. And then he said something to his nephew that he had admitted to almost no one, including himself. "I'm a gay man Kevin, and I don't know what to do, I've wasted my life," (presumably hiding his sexuality.) Fast forward awhile into the episode and he comes out to the whole Walker family. It is like a wave of fresh air has spilled through the room and even into my living room as I watch. At the end of the episode, Kevin - who has been out for many years - is tying the knot with the love of his life Scotty.

And now it is my turn to come out of a closet, in the hopes of helping someone or a number of people. I am not gay, but instead have suffered often in silence for many years with the silent tormenter - depression.

There are benefits and runs being held all over the continent each year for various causes. There's a run for breast cancer, there are telethons for multiple sclerosis. Most recently, the "Movember" movement spread like wildfire which offered that it was in existence to raise awareness of prostate cancer. These are all worthwhile causes and I applaud their efforts.

But there is another epidemic sweeping through our world that often goes unspoken. It is just as debilitating as a cancer diagnosis or a degenerative disease. It is mental illness, specifically depression. I write this article in the hopes that someone suffering from this disease will realize they are not alone. Another popular movement in the last several months there has been another popular movement, most noticeably on YouTube, called The Trevor Project. Scores of celebrities as well as other members of society have recorded short videos in support of young gay, lesbian, transgendered and bisexual youth who have been bullied by their peers for their sexuality. The message sent to these youth: "It Gets Better." It is this same message I believe scores of people suffering from depression need to hear as well.

I liken depression to a cancer of the mind, only there is no clear-cut course of treatment such as radiation, chemotherapy or surgery. I will discuss some of the treatment options in a couple of minutes. But first, a little of my story.

I have knowingly suffered from depression since I was about 15 or 16 years old (that is for 15 years or so.) Anxiety is often a kissing cousin of depression and I remember going into a panic while sitting through a Christmas Eve church service when I was 15 or 16, and I thought I was losing my mind - literally. That is when I was first prescribed medication.

I realize now that there are various causes of depression. Some are physiological and chemical, others are environmental and social causes. For myself I believe it is partially genetic as well as the result of living through almost constant emotional trauma in my childhood.

Let me share just a few of the ways that this disease called depression has adversely affected my life:

- lack of energy to pursue the things one is passionate about

- lack of energy to get out of bed until late in the day, therefore missing out on most of the day

- a racing mind

- anxiety about almost everything

- lack of concentration

- lack of memory

- it has affected very important relationships to me, to the point where they've fallen apart

- isolation ("I have this big secret that no one knows about and if they did they wouldn't accept me anymore")

Now let me discuss some of the frustration of dealing with the mental health system here in Ontario. I have seen scores of therapists and psychiatrists (though getting an appointment with the latter often takes months, not weeks, then when you finally do they talk with you for 15 minutes and simply send you off with a new concoction of medications.) I have been on many many anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs, many with side-effects. And with these particular medications, there is no telling whether they will be effective or not, so it's a crapshoot, you just have to keep going back to your shrink and adjusting doses or completely changing them up. And then you're back to square one. I have been part of group therapy that has been a positive experience. I have in the past tried to self-medicate with alcohol, which on the other hand has not been a positive experience.

Christmas is often a very hard time for people who battle depression, perhaps because of the gloomy weather, but also because everyone expects you to be happy around this time of year, so you stand out like a sore thumb when you're not. (Thankfully for me, I don't find this to be a problem, as I love Christmas and find joy in it.)

I am writing this article now for a couple of reasons: The more people I share my illness with, the more responses I get such as "I've struggled with it to," or "I have a loved one who battles depression." Secondly I want to encourage those suffering from depression or other mental illness that there is help and there is hope.

I can not stress enough how debilitating this disease can be. Again I compare it to a cancer that will not let you go. Perhaps the worst part of it is the isolation that you feel from those around you or society in general.

You don't have to go through it alone. I implore you to reach out to professionals in your community. Doctors, psychiatrists, therapists (for instance in Kitchener-Waterloo there are agencies that provide counselling services on a sliding fee scale). Medication may very well be a necessity for the time being or perhaps long term. Group therapy can be reassuring, just knowing that there are so so many others who have this disease.

Let me speak about what is helping me the most right now. Firstly, being around friends and family who love me and accept me exactly as I am, people I can share my struggles with who will not judge or would never reject me.

Secondly, developing my spirituality has been huge. God has always been part of my life, but as my beliefs have evolved, I have went from an evangelical Christianity to a more liberal, more inclusive spirituality. I am happy to be part of a spiritual community that is inspiring and loving. One of the ideas that is helping me out currently is the truth that "thoughts become things" and we can change the direction or circumstances of our lives by the thoughts we entertain in our minds. This is what the Bible is talking about when it talks about being "transformed by the renewing of our minds." I am learning more and more that I have immense power in determining what my life is going to look like. Life doesn't "just happen" to me, I co-create my life with the divine. This is very empowering and emboldening, especially for someone who has been battling depression for over 15 years.

I would encourage you who are reading this right now to think if you have a family member or friend who might be wrestling with this awful disease in silence or on their own. Read again the point-form list of how depression has affected my life. Kindly and softly reach out to them, letting them know that while you may not have any easy answers, you will never leave them and are there for them.

If it would help, I'd encourage you to either share this article on your Facebook page, or e-mail the link to anyone it might help.

You don't have to go through it alone anymore. Even though you can't see it now, you can have a bright and fulfilling future. There are professionals, there are friends who will not shun you. Also, it is important to continue to pursue things you are passionate about as you battle this, as hard as it is. This can be a light in the darkness. For me, it's singing, writing, and hanging out with friends.

Bless you wherever you are on your journey,

Mark Andrew


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