I'm sitting here at Starbucks on a rainy end-of-November afternoon, and I just got together with a friend from my spiritual centre. We had an enjoyable time talking about our lives, religion, spirituality, etc.
As I sit here with my now-cold grandé decaf coffee, I am thinking how life is so much more enjoyable when shared with others.
I used to spend a lot of time alone. Find the nearest Tim Hortons to where I lived and you would most likely find me sitting there, with journal and pen or self-help/spiritual book in hand. I'd stay there for hours. And part of it is because I have an introverted part of me. I'm not saying that it is wrong to spend time by yourself, but there have been many times in my life when I've overdone it. Perhaps I did this -and continue to do this sometimes - because you don't have to be vulnerable when you're all alone; there's less chance of being hurt. So instead of vulnerability and the chance of being hurt you instead settle for the pain of loneliness.
But there are so many things that are best when shared. Walks through a park or down a trail, coffee at a café, movie-watching, sex. I think we are meant to be relational, that's how we were created. We aren't meant to be alone. This is the point of the movie Into The Wild if you've seen it. The title character - it's a true story - goes off into the wilderness by himself to figure life out, only to come to the conclusion that life is best when shared.
It can be hard to break out of my pattern of spending hour upon hour at coffee shops by myself, but when I do make the effort I am rewarded. I just came off a wonderful weekend spent with friends, and today even though I felt kinda bad I had a really good conversation over coffee with a friend.
We are beings of Love, and Love is relational. If we want to live in Love, we will live in relationship.
As Christmastime is fast upon us even though it's not yet December, I am appreciating things familiar and things new.
Today is a crash day after an unusually long weekend of traveling and getting together with good friends. I allowed myself to sleep in till the early afternoon. Soon after getting up I found myself here at 1842, among the familiar. There's the all-day breakfast, a skillet of homefries, onions, peppers, and ham, with 2 eggs done how you like them and toast. There's the Javanilla coffee that is yumalicious. And there's the Toronto Star, with an almost mandatory article on the scoring woes of the Toronto Maple Leafs, and another article discussing Justin Bieber's hairstyle. I like the familiar, it makes me feel nice and warm. Ohhh...Tony Bennett just came on the music system, singing Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town. I like the familiarity of old Christmas carols like Hark The Herald Angels Sing, Away In A Manger, and Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire. Traditional versions, not all pop-y by current artists. Tonight I will bus down to my spiritual centre for a meditation class, where there'll be the familiar sanctuary and cozy library and a cup of mint tea at break-time (perhaps with a splash of egg-nog if there's any left over from the other night's decorating party.)
I am also thinking about being with someone you love and the calming, warm familiarity that so often comes with that. Holding or being held by that someone you love as you caress each other's skin and give each other gentle kisses.
Now on to something new. I am still struggling with finding a personal meaning of Christmas, several years now after leaving evangelical Christianity. Back then I believed that Christmas was about Jesus coming down from heaven as a baby who was also God, who came to be the sacrifice for humankind's sins. In the first few years after leaving these beliefs I simply said that Christmas was about family and friends and peace on earth. And still this is what Christmas is about to me. But this year another possibility is arising, that Christmas can be a celebration of the Christ-presence, or God-presence, within each and every one of us. It can be a celebration of our divine nature that allows us to have immense power and to dream big dreams. At Christmas we remember Jesus, but we can remember our own Christ-presence within.
Okay so I said that I would talk to you about the girl at work and how she was flirting! Now this probably would have been so much funnier if you had seen it rather than me explaining it!. I walked past this girl and she was clearly flirting with this guy on the shop floor next to her (and he looked so much older than her! (slat!)) anyway, She was giggling and touching her face like the girls classically do on TV anyway, just before I walked by she flipped her hair out whilst she was laughing, however what she did not expect was for a tall guy with a huge jacket to walk by and as he did her hair got caught in the buttons down the front of the jacket! she must have been there for about ten minutes because her hair got that tangled! I laughed so much I thought I was going to willy dribble!! I also looked back at one of my old vlogs today and it made me very sentimental! It was so nice to look back and see where I had come from because I think my style has changed (I have no idea if it is for the good or bad but it has changed anyway! let me know what you think), Thatmfeeling
It's the end of a busy weekend filled with friends and Christmas tree admiring and decorating among other things. And now I'm finally able to relax on the couch in my pj's with my jar of No Name Crunch Peanut Butter and unwind.
This morning I went to my spiritual centre Unity, and though I mentioned this in my last post it is worth repeating - actually a couple of things. I love Unity, don't get me wrong, but this morning after singing Deck The Halls and Go Tell It On The Mountain, the band led us in My Favourite Things from The Sound of Music. This had got to be on my list of 10 Most Hated Songs of All Time. I don't want to sing about mittens on kittens or warm apple streudal!!! Secondly, these days at Unity there is a designated "Hug" entrance, and a "Hug-Free" entrance. Seriously. I suggested today that there be a designated kissing entrance (tongue or no-tongue). Not sure how that's gonna fly.
Last night I got a text (or wait for it..a Blackberry message 'cause we're cool) from a good college friend, Dan Grace. Other than the fact he once stole a girlfriend from me years ago and read the love poetry I had written for her, he's a great guy! Anyways, Dan invited me to go with him and his lovely wife to a worship night at The Meeting House, a self-described "church for people who aren't into church." It's one of these contemporary churches (oops...places!) that meets in auditoriums or movie theatres (just a question, but is it ok to sit in the back row on Sunday mornings and make out with your significant other?) Anyways, I had heard of this movement for quite some time and wanted to check it out, and this was a good opportunity. On the last Sunday of every month they hold a worship (music) service called The Attic (sadly there were no bats or owls present.) This evening, an artist from out west named Jodi King was leading worship as well as singing a few of her own songs.
I am glad that I went tonight. In particular it was very good to spend time with Dan and Faith again. Also, it was an interesting exercise to observe myself in how I was reacting to the messages that I was receiving during the evening. I have two predominant feelings whenever I go to a Christian church service nowadays. One is a feeling of nostalgia - I am taken back to my days in the church and the worship music scene. My life was so filled with both for 20-some-odd years that I find myself having feelings of familiarity when I am in those settings again. Secondly, I find myself wanting to "build bridges" or find common ground between what I used to believe (evangelical Christianity) and what I currently believe.
First of all, the things that I liked about this evening's service. I like the passion that is put into the songs; it is palpable and authentic (not just a show). Also, the quality of the presentation was excellent (acoustic, electric and bass guitars, drummer, keyboard, vocalists).
Now on to the content of the lyrics. I like how relational evangelical Christianity can be, that is, singing to God as if he is someone you are close with, like a very close friend or family member. I believe that the Divine is relational and that we experience the Divine when we are relating to people, nature, who we'd call God. A lot of the songs sung - actually probably all of them - were sung as if to someone who was in the auditorium.
Now on to some of the theology that I don't believe in and why I couldn't sing along. (And I am NOT trying to antagonize anyone or belittle anyone's faith. These are just some observations.)
1) In a couple of the songs there was language about darkness being driven away by the light, by God. This immediately brought to mind a conversation that I had with my friend Ken over Starbucks yesterday about darkness. He said that Christians can't seem to deal with their own darkness, so they objectify it, remove it from themselves and call it the Devil. I highly agree with this. Today I find it much more useful to "love my darkness," to love the parts of myself that previously I had thought unlovable.
2) The Trinity - There were a couple of songs talking about the "Three In One" and they weren't talking about a combo from Wendy's. Rather it was Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Personally, I find this confusing and I just don't see the Divine that way. I see God as One, period. 'Nuff said.
3) There were songs that talked about how "undeserving" we are to receive of God's grace because of our sin. This is what I disagreed most strongly with and is one of the first beliefs I jettisoned when I started heavily questioning my Christian faith. This view of God is that we as humans are born with a sinful nature, there is a separation between God and us as a result, and we need someone to build that bridge back to God and make us worthy. I do not agree. I believe that we have a divine nature, are already one with God, and that we are indeed deserving of God's good gifts in our lives. I've mentioned this in a blog quite a long time ago, but evangelical Christianity can go a long way in reinforcing a person's low self-esteem issues.
4) Jesus - There were many songs about Jesus tonight, including an old hymn I used to really like called All For Jesus. Christianity is a religion based on Jesus' teachings (duh! I'm smart!) but evangelicalism takes it one step further and, in my opinion, makes an idol out of the person Jesus (wasn't there a commandment about making idols?) I have been thinking more and more lately that if Jesus were to walk into most Christian churches today, I think he'd say "Why the hell are you still talking about me?" (Then he'd go to the gymnasium and munch on chocolate chip cookies and coffee after the service.) I doubt that it was ever Jesus's intention to have people worship him the man. Rather, he was always teaching a way of living your life (peace, taking care of the poor and sick, etc) and talking about the kingdom of God (which he said, is within you!) I think he'd find it baffling that people were worshiping his name. He'd just be concerned whether the widow or the orphan was being looked after. Also, instead of realizing our divinity (not just his), we're more comfortable or used to putting one man on a pedestal. I personally believe that we need to spend more time concentrating on our own divinity and what that means in terms of the power we have at our disposal. God doesn't want worshipers as much as he wants co-creators.
Anyways, phew! That's a long blogpost at the end of a busy weekend. Again, I am glad that I went tonight, and my aim is not to "nit-pick" and critique everything, but I love talking about religion and thought I'd jot down a few thoughts.
Okay, yes so it has been a while sice I have posted a blog (to the three people that will probably see it but... that does not bother me, I will just read it one hundred times to make myself feel better haha!) Firstly I want to say how glad I am, but also sorry to see Wagner leave the Xfactor! (Yes Okay I do watch it!) It must be horrible to know you are in a program for reasons that you should not be but he took it well! I am also really sad to see Katie leave! I actually liked her! and wow she has taken so many blows on that show but hopefully see her again soon! BUT back to my actual blog and I can not believe how cold it is getting. I know that sounds completely random! (its coming up to Winter, its GOING to be cold) but I always forget HOW cold it can get. So its going to be hell getting up each day from my warm bed! but I do promise myself to make the most out of winter and get loads of things done! I live in London so we have not got the snow yet (we barely ever get it as I live pretty central) which actually is a great thing because I HATE snow! If anyone is going to fall over flat on their arse then it will be me! and there will usually be people watching. Its a shame that I do not film it because maybe that will push up my youtube hits!. Speaking of Youtube! I have a new video out (well I say new but it has been out for a little while) a continuation of my Madonna speak video. At this current time I plan to do five of them (but like Saw... if it goes well there could me more until it completely fizzles out!) I hope you check it out and I will write a better post very soon. (actually about work and what happened to this poor girl as she started to flirt on the shop floor!) love you all, Thatmfeeling
This morning the alarm on my Blackberry went off at 9am, and it was one of those mornings when I wasn't sure whether I'd get up and go to my spiritual centre or if I'd go back to bed. But I wanted to make it to Unity for the first Christmad themed service, so I got up. It was nice to sing Christmas songs like Deck The Halls and Have a Holly Jolly Christmas. I appreciate the band at Unity, but if I hear the song My Favourite Things (from The Sound of Music - and it has nothing to do with Christmas!) I will remove my eardrums with a spoon and boil them with my tea. :) Oh well, what made it all tolerable was that after the service I found some left-over egg nog in the refridgerator and added some to my coffee...mmm.
At Unity now there are designated "Hug" and "Hug-Free" entrances. What's the deal? No "Kissing" entrances for "tongue" or "no-tongue?" I feel gipped.
This afternoon my good friend Millie came over and helped me set up and decorate my Christmas tree, to the sweet carolling sounds of Bing Crosby, The Rankin Sisters, Sinatra, Bruce Cockburn, and Boney M among others. We had a grand time. Now we're at Starbucks, but not before making a snow angel (see pictures on Facebook). It made me feel like I was 5. We were going to watch a movie, such as The Bishop's Wife with Cary Grant, but alas we didn't have time.
It's the end of my day in Toronto and I've had a wonderful time with my best friend Ken. I've enjoyed walking around looking at the Christmas decorations and drinking Starbucks. I am wonderfully blessed, and tomorrow will be the same!
I have learned a couple things today as well as been reminded of a thing or two.
1) I like Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte, but not as much as something chocolatey.
2) When a friend tells you that there will be provocatively dressed waitresses at the restaurant you'll be going to, don't necessarily believe him. (Actually to be fair they showed up later, and the place was called W Burger Bar. They serve Bison Burgers there too.)
3) I've been reminded again how bless-ed it is to have a friend you can tell absolutely anything to without judgment.
I'm also thinking of how wonderful it is to open up a closed heart. I think we can close up our hearts for many reasons. One reason may be because we think we're too fucked up for someone to love us. And we make up excuses like "when I have this figured out" or "when I've fixed that part of me" then I'll open up my heart. And to be truthful, sometimes we do need to work through issues before entering into friendships or relationships. But guess what:
1) To one extent we're all fucked up somehow, and...
2) It's ok to need other people. This is an important one for me to keep learning. For quite awhile I was afraid to need someone too much, probably because of relationships I have witnessed in my life. But then you can go to extremes and wall up your heart because you don't want to be too needy. To this line of thinking I would say "Trust Yourself. You aren't as fucked up as you think. You are worthy to be loved." In fact, we deserve to be loved, you and I.
Being alone may indeed be safer, but it isn't as satisfying. As my best friend said today, it's in relationships that we learn. We are made for relationships. It's ok to want that someone to curl up on the couch with, to lay beside on a cold winter's night that can be so deep. Sure you make yourself more vulnerable, but no risk no reward. And the reward can be so rich. As you give love your heart opens up and feels the way you have so wanted to feel.
Let's tear down the walls around our hearts. I'll try my best.
Blogging via Blackberry - who knew? This is a first.
it had been forever since I'd written a blog just about the goings on of my days, and now here is the 2nd in as many days; it's an epidemic!
I hope you are well today. Perhaps you're still snug in your bed on a chilly late fall day.
This is the first morning I've awakened to step out of my apartment building and find snow on the ground. Thank God for a warm coat and scarf. I bussed downtown, grabbed an Irish Cream coffee and banana nut muffin from Matter of Taste, and now am happily on my way to Toronto to see my best friend Ken. It's been several months since I've made the trip into the city.
What do you think the function of our imagination is? We all have one. Is it merely to drift away daydreaming? An escape from the humdrum of our everyday lives? Perhaps it can function that way sometimes. But I'm thinking that we can, by the power of intention, use it for something far more powerful. In imagining we become aware of our deepest dreams, whether that be in regards to careers, our futures, relationships. Often our truest and purest selves come out through our imaginations. Our imagination raises our consciousness to anothe level, we can almost feel our inner selves flying out of our bodies.
I think the trick is to lasso or coral our imagination and use it to actually create a better future for ourselves. This is far better than merely daydreaming. In this way the sister or brother of imagination comes into play - visualization. The things that we imagine and then consciously visualize in our minds are the things we will see come to pass in our lives. Caught in the humdrum of everyday life? Have your expectations of how happy your life could be dimmed? If we hold limiting, negative thoughts in our mind, we will most likely see a limiting negative future. Imagining a happy, fulfilled life? Visualize it, create a picture in your mind of what that will look like, and PERSIST, day in day out, and there is a very good shot you will see happiness and fulfillment. We have a very powerful tool at our disposal - our minds. We have the power to create our own lives each and every day - we are not merely bystanders in our own lives. I challenge myself, and you, to start using your imagination and visualizing what you want your future to look like. Think powerful, positive thoughts and see the results come flowing in. Let me use myself as an example. I seemingly have a few reasons to be down and out right now. I've been off work for months with health issues that I've battled for years. When I am ready to work again I don't know where that will be. Money is low as I've been off work. Christmas presents will have to be foregone this year. But how am I feeling? What is my outlook? It is one of thankfulness for the many gifts that I already DO have. I have family and friends who love me, I have an apartment and food, I am part of a vibrant spiritual community where I can learn and grow. And I love Christmas, for reasons that do not include gifts. It's a struggle some days, but I am using my imagination and my mind to visualize a more prosperous future for me. I have faith as I sit here on this bus that I will have that future.
Just a few words as the bus towards Toronto rolls on. Now it's off to sip some more Irish Cream and to listen to the King of Cool, Lyle Lovett.
Good afternoon. It is 440pm and there are only about 20 minutes left of sunlight, which I still haven't quite adjusted to. But that's ok, because: IT'S A MAGICAL WEEKEND AHEAD!
Right now I find myself at Matter of Taste coffee shop downtown Kitchener. The flavour of coffee I am about to enjoy is Chocolate Butter Crunch, which tastes like...give me a second to sip...chocolate and nuts...mmm. The muffin is banana nut, which shall be followed by one of the gingerbread variety. There are two workers (or should I call them baristas) working today. One of them seems to be of middle eastern descent, the other is wearing a hat that looks as if it previously was employed as a pot cover at my great Aunt Myrtle's. It's yellow and all quilty-like.
In a couple of hours I will be at my spiritual centre, called Unity for an evening called Deck The Halls. This will be my first year at this event. There's a turkey dinner (I can't remember the last time I had turkey this early!!!), followed by everyone helping out to decorate the centre for Christmas. That will be followed by Christmas carols.
Tomorrow morning i am heading into Toronto for the first time in a long time. I am very excited, I am going to see my close friend Ken. First I will visit my old friend the huge Christmas tree at the Eaton Centre, then I will find a comfy coffee shop to sit and read or write for awhile. Apparently there's this restaurant that sells interesting burgers that we'll be going to for dinner, and the selling point: apparently the waitresses dress slightly revealing. Don't worry, I'll cover my eyes. :) I'm really looking forward to it...the visit that is. I like the sights and sounds...and smells of Toronto.
I'll head home on the 1130 Greyhound and be back home around 1. It's debatable whether I'll get up for Unity on Sunday morning, but I always miss it when I don't go, and who knows, we may even be starting to sing Christmas carols. Who wants to miss that? In the afternoon I shall be putting up my tree while listening to the sweet sounds of Bing, Frank, Dean, The Ranking sisters, Amy Grant, etc. Then I'm planning on watching The Bishop's Wife, a holiday movie starring Cary Grant.
This gingerbread muffin is to die for by the way. Still, I haven't been checked out by any of the women in here...yet. This differs from a couple months ago at Starbucks when this girl and her boyfriend came in and our eyes met...on several occasions. Next time I'll slip my number...
I have a lot to be thankful for. A warm coffee shop, great coffee, yummy muffins, a nice sweater, a nice apartment. Friends and family that love me, a centre where I can go and be with spiritually like-minded people. And oh, egg nog. Who can forget egg nog?
'Tis going to be a magical weekend. I hope yours is too,
Mark Andrew...or for those who know me from before a year or so ago, simply Mark.
"Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, "Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you." - Jesus in Mark 11:23
There were two thoughts that I had when I would read or hear about this verse as I grew up within Christianity. The first was "Come on, Jesus must be speaking figuratively here. The second was, "Perhaps miracles such as this happened in Jesus' time but they sure don't happen anymore! Certainly not in our time!
But I am coming to believe that these are cop-outs and that he wasn't pulling our leg or talking only of his specific time with history when he said these words.
Surely a taking of these words literally could change our lives, indeed our world. Jesus wasn't speaking in riddles, rather he was speaking plainly. There's also the well-known verse that says "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you." - Matthew 7:7 But somehow throughout the years our faith has become weak, or we've added "ifs" or "buts" to this verse and others.
"If it be God's will" is one such "if." "But God may want me to be struggling and suffering right now" is one such "but." Sure, some people can be selfish, I get that, but I would wager to say that the majority of prayers that go out to God are not meant in a selfish way at all. "God, I ask that you would remove cancer from my friend." "God, please help me to find the right and perfect job for me." These are not selfish prayers. "God bring people into my life that I can be in loving relationship with" is another. Still we get caught up in "ifs, buts, and timidity." Are we meant to be timid when we pray? I don't think so.
I think we are meant to be bold when we pray. How do we do this? We not only ask, but begin to expect the outcome as already having come true. We shift our minds from a place of lack and want to a place of expectation and acquisition. The key word in that sentence was our "minds." We can switch from a place of lack to a place of extreme and total faith. We do this by our thoughts. The law of attraction states that those thoughts we harbour in our minds ultimately attract positive or negative things into our lives depending on which way we're persistently thinking. Think about lack, disease, family discord, unemployment day in and day out, and guess what, you're probably going to see these things manifested into your life. The key is to change your way of thinking to an mind focused on faith and trust. The reason that many people were healed by Jesus was not only because he had healing power within him. He repeatedly said to those he healed, "Your faith has made you well." We have a huge part in our own healing and what we see in our lives.
In conclusion, we can have just as powerful of a prayer life as Jesus did. We can see miracles happen, and we can bring them about. Don't believe me? Here's another teaching of Jesus himself:"Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father." - Jesus in John 14:12
Let's learn to have an unshakable faith when we say our prayers, and we will see magnificent things happen.
29-years ago this evening, the Rolling Stones (a few of them) ventured into Chicago on a night off to the Checkerboard Lounge to check out Muddy Waters. The in house cameras caught the magic. One of my favorite bootlegs of all time. Fast forward to 6:30 in this clip to see Keith Richards make his way to the stage, utterly priceless and legendary.
When I started going to record shows in my early teens, I immediately grabbed this bootleg on cassette and acquired it on CD many years later. This is why bootlegs exist; so people can revel in the glory of this moment where a bunch of British lads join their idol on stage. It was after all a Muddy Waters song that the band took their name from ("Rollin' Stone").
What you see below is a band who is there out of their own want, their own desires and they let the exuberance overtake them in one of their greatest moments ever. Thank god for the house feed at the Checkerboard.
Okay, so I find myself watching the Xfactor this year! (This is the first year I have watched believe it or not) and two things really annoy me about the show! Louis Walsh and Wagner! Every decision and word that comes out of Louis’ mouth seems to be such a strain! Why cant he just make a decision instead of dragging everything out! Could you imagine him in a restaurant! “well this is a hard choice... They are all great meals... (Ten hours later) but I thin that I am going to have to pick (Three hours later).. Oh I can’t make up my mind! Oh I would just love to slap him! (Sorry Louis!) the other thing that is so frustrating is Wagner! I thin he has only just realised that many people do not seem to like him and I feel sorry for him because he does seem to take some crap but HOW on earth did he even manage to get on the show! I want to throw Louis head at the production team for even getting him on the show! It should be him in the bottom two every week until he goes (which he will probably go the first time he even touches it) but get out already! anyway rant over! Cher HAS to win, she is amazing and another random fact! I offered Aiden Grimshaw my drink last night (yes I was sloshed off my face) but found it rather amusing he actually said no thank you and then left the building! AM I THAT BAD lol! (sometimes I do amuse myself) its either that or cry!
I took a much needed vacation earlier this month and the time needed prepping my day job for my absence and well, getting ready for the trip took up every waking moment I had until I left.
I fully expected to do some blogging from the road, but this was stalled due to certain hotels charging an arm and a leg for wifi services (seriously, why isn't this free?).
I have some great writing and random thoughts coming up for you in the coming weeks, so hang in there, I'll be back soon.
This subject was brought up as I had to create a video for a channel on youtube over makeup. I think it is brilliant when people use far too much bronzer or fake tan! now its usually worse when people use bronzer because you can see so many shades over their face and neck! now I have to say too that I have been a victim of overtan and looking back (and deleting) many of my old Facebook photos you can see just how bad it was! I am not going to show you because they are photos I want off the internet but I basically looked like a orange and brown Dalmatian faced freak. Some people actually love to be orange like a girl that I met in a bar with a friend yesterday. She said she loved the colour and the oranger, the better (well she did actually come from Essex!) but I feel sorry for the people (like me) that did not realise. When you get use to a certain colour it is actually really hard to tell if you are actually tanned or not so I can understand why some people OTT in it because with myself I was only going until I could see that I was tanned. Luckily I take lots of photos and it was only like FIVE MONTHS! until I realised that I could have been related to an oompa-loompa (or an umpa lumpa as some people say it) now I just do it less and think i look as white as snow but this blog goes out to all of those orange guys and gals out there! I LOVE YOU :D (and Chris who tans so much he is actually a shade of black!)
It is amazing how, just when outwardly it looks like you're done for, you are finally just beginning.
It is funny how when everything seems to be falling apart that things are really starting to come together.
It is something how just when something about you is dying, something is being born in you that has wanted to come out for a long long time.
There's a line in a song that Rich Mullins wrote that says, "I can't see how you're leading me unless you've led me here, where I'm lost enough to let myself be led." You were always meant to be a person of faith, but for one reason or another you've always thought it was too good to be true, something in theory not reality. Still your soul has longed for this kind of life. And thank God your soul is finally seeing it come true.
Your dreams are never too big, never too lofty. The things that make your soul dance are the things you should be - no, must be - doing. Not engaging in those passionate things can only lead to decay. Decay and hardness.
Your dreams were placed in you for a purpose. Not so you could theorize about them or daydream endlessly. They were meant to be born into the world.
Each and every part of life is a miracle, something to be marveled at; this includes you. You bring something to the table that no one else can. So settling for less or trying to copy anyone else is a crying shame. You have more to contribute to the symphony.
This is only the beginning of your life. You have a long road of success ahead of you. A road filled with smiles and joy, and a happy happy heart.
When I am walking down the street and I simply take the time to stop for a minute and touch a tree, wondrous, magical things happen.
When I touch a tree I am connecting with something that is very old, perhaps older than me.
When I touch a tree I am coming into contact with something steady and stoic, which is comforting to me and my varying emotions. Though its branches may sway with the wind, its trunk never wavers.
When I touch a tree I feel at one with all of the nature around me.
When I touch a tree I often say "Hello brother," and it responds.
When I touch a tree I have a short but comforting conversation. I say "Hello" and it says, time and time again, "You are fine. Everything's going to be alright. You're on the right path."
Are you worthy enough to see your dreams realized?
Are you like me in that you've harboured dreams about what you want to do and what you want your life to look like for a long time, but for some reason you're not seeing those dreams come true? Why is that? I think that one reason could be because we don't feel worthy enough to see these dreams realized. For one reason or another we've been held down, suppressed, either by others or by ourselves. Happiness and success are for other people, better people, people who have their shit all together. But for us? Nah, can't be so. We're not talented enough, not strong enough. We are the second-class citizens who are meant for a life of the mundane, simply working 9 to 5 in a job that gives us no joy or fulfillment. Some of us live this way - if you can call it living - for years and years, perhaps their whole lives.
The antidote for such negativity is self-acceptance. This is something that perhaps we heard a few times as we were growing up (I'm thinking of Mr. Rogers and his repeated message "You are special exactly the way you are) but as "real life" hit we drifted farther and farther from it. Perhaps because we grew up in less-than-ideal family situations, or because we began to compare ourselves to our peers and found ourselves wanting. We bought into self-denial or even self-loathing, so of course we wouldn't believe we were worthy enough to see our dreams realized. Instead we learned to settle. But now, yes, now we are adults and we have a choice to accept ourselves and love ourselves in a way perhaps never realized. As we get into this habit, we will see, and perhaps it will take time, that we are worthy of realizing our dreams.
Along with unworthiness being a reason that we don't see our dreams realized, I think that trust and confidence are also issues. Even if we practise self-acceptance, we can still see our dreams as being too lofty, unrealistic, or even stupid. Take someone whose passion is dancing, for example. They grow up dancing as a child, but as they grow up they are told by society or someone around them that "Well, dancing is well and good but you need to get a real job, be more practical." This person, if not confident or trusting in Life, may very well give up their dreams and end up working a job that, sure, pays the bills but leaves their soul empty. I think we need to trust and have faith that as we pursue our passions, which is our purpose here on earth, doors will open and opportunities will arrive. Who do we trust? Some may call it God, others Spirit, still others simply Life. I believe that there is a divine energy at work in this world and in our lives that is working and directing all things together for good. This divine energy is both the source of our dreams, and the avenue by which we see our dreams realized. How powerful this is that there is an energy in us and around us that is working things together for good for us. This is much better than a vindictive, aloof, or even ambivalent God. As we trust this God and take steps forward, we will see Life open doors for us and our dreams.
In closing, you are worthy enough, you are beautiful enough to see your dreams realized. And you can trust that there is an energy at work that wants you to trust it and wants to open doors on the way to that realization.
Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you were meant to make a decision but the material things in front of you make you say "That's crazy! Why would you ever do such a thing?" Let's use moving for an example. Have you ever felt in your heart, in your soul, that you were not meant to be living where you are and instead should be moving to a new location? You hear this voice inside you (which I believe is the Spirit of God), while "common sense" would tell you the exact opposite? Perhaps even friends or family have tried to convince you that this is a dumb, unthought-out idea. But still inside you hear that small voice, a whisper but a voice that seems so true.
I think that at moments like this we have to take the leap. We have to be like the diver who stand at the top of a high cliff who knows she wants to jump, and has every reassurance that the water below is deep enough for her to proceed. She could spend all of her time second-guessing herself, and the safety of it, but inside she knows these are just false voices. What is she to do? Take the leap, or be held back by her fears, which are just shadows?
Lately in my life certain things are up in the air that are challenging me as to if I actually trust Spirit or not. Do I trust Spirit's voice, which I hear many many times throughout the day, the voice that says "Trust me," "Walk by faith not by sight," "I will take care of you," "You have nothing to fear." Or do I give into my lower voices, which encourage me to panic and fill my days with anxiety and fear?
It's your choice, and it's my choice. For me, I know that life has led me to this point where I am being called to place absolutely all of my trust in Spirit. It is what I was made for, it's the kind of relationship with the divine that I've always wanted to have. But Spirit can't make me do anything. It's my decision.
And today, I decide to jump off the cliff, knowing that the cool water of Spirit is there to gather me up and protect me.
Okay so I have no idea what happened today! It started out such a bad day with me being late for work for silly flat reasons and then finally managed to turn out to be a good day! No stupid people running into me like maniacs and no people asking me ridiculous questions like “do you sell clothes?” seriously! I am not even going to get started with that! However I was a developing dark shade of brown which I only discovered as I got home! Lesson to all, just do not use fake tan! I also managed to get a vlog up which I managed to create around the Xfactor result (Sad I know but ooo how emotional!) Thats how I feel every time I pick something to wear out of my cupboard (closet)! Anyway if you have not already seen it or are thinking! “Wait...this freak creates vlogs too!?” then yes I do and I shall link it to the page below (or above I have no idea where the bloody thing will pop up)! Anyway take care and I am going to go and watch a candle lit film by myself!...just to finish off a day that could have been so bad!
I have lived in London for just over three years now and every day I go out, start work or am around shopping it never ceases to amaze me in how shocking some people are! For example the other day as I was leaving work I was minding my own business just looking at some shop windows and this guy is running down the street and is swinging his arms around like a maniac and managed to hit me rather hard on my side! He does not even say sorry and continues to run off. Now I am rather glad because where he hit me I have my phone so I am sure it must have hurt him more than it hurt me and he just punched a block in my pocket. It is times like this that you just wish that some parents could have just used condoms because when on Earth is it a correct thing to do to act that way? There are also some times that I wish one of my parents was a puffer fish so I could have been born with spikes all over me, now this would rid me of so many of those problems! Especially the one of walking down busy streets and getting off buses! Rant over! Its not his fault that he is a spasticated retard that can’t walk down a street without waving his arms around, looking like Amy Winehouse trying to catch the flies flying around her beehive!
The World English Dictionary defines the word "holy" in this way: "endowed or invested with extreme purity or sublimity." If this is true, then we can have holy moments wherever and whenever we are.
If you would have asked the average person 50 or 60 years ago when and where holy moments occurred, you may very well have heard responses such as "in a church," "while on my knees praying," "while singing hymns." These are all valid responses, but I think more and more people all the time are realizing that holy moments can occur anytime, anywhere.
Why can we experience holiness at any time? Because you and I are one with the creative, Divine Energy, and as such we are one with this holy God. Wherever we walk, God walks. Wherever we go, God goes. Nothing can separate us from the divine. As a result, each moment is a holy moment, it's just a matter of whether we're conscious of it or not.
I experience moments of "extreme sublimity" while I am in the shower singing old jazz tunes, for example. At other times I may be reading the newspaper and having coffee in a café and a feeling of holiness may come over me. I may be walking through the park watching the ducks. Also, one thing that I am learning is that holiness may be more palpable when it is experienced with others. This may happen while conversing with a friend, or running your fingers through your lovers hair. The holiness within you touches the holiness in them, and sublimity is experienced in a powerful way.
How can we experience this holiness more regularly, rather than them being sporadic or irregular? I think that we cultivate holiness and our experience of it through set-apart times. I believe prayer and meditation can be most helpful with this, even if you spend 10-15 minutes at the start of your day focusing on holiness and your divine nature. Surely we all can spare 10 minutes at the start of our day. Or, perhaps you're a parent and it may work better in the afternoon when the kids are napping. When we spend quiet time focusing on God within us, our consciousness is raised and we can experience times of pure ecstasy throughout the day.
Michael Franti and Spearhead The Sound of Sunshine {Buy the album HERE} Album Review 4-Stars (****) By Anthony Kuzminski
Read my 10/2/2010 live review of Michael Franti HERE
When Michael Franti began making records in the early 1990’s with the Beatnigs and The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy he had a distinctive way of expressing social and economic oppression with a voice that could conjure up lucid images. For the better part of the next decade, Franti went on to form Spearhead and would continue a career tackling consequential and tacit starkness not often associated with pop music. His gift was and is the ability to bridge a gap between rhythm and blues and to mix it up with soul and hip-hop beats. While other rappers were tackling social injustice on a street level, with each release Franti and Spearhead continually broadened their scope to be worldlier. They also enhanced their craft with every release creating thought-provoking and remarkable records where politics and beats collided. While never one to shy away from divisive topics, Franti and Spearhead used their music to fight back, expose vicious realities and express their inner rage through the sheer volume of their instruments. In 2006, the band released their most mature yet searing album to date; Yell Fire. In my decade-end list, it ranked at number-11. It houses fourteen heady pronouncements about the state of the world which he drew from the inspiration he had from a trip to the Middle East in 2004. Tackling worldly topics as war, love and communication, Yell Fire is the record Bob Marley would have made if he were still alive. Songs like “I Know I’m Not Alone”, “One Step Closer to You” (featuring harmony vocals by Pink) and “See You in the Light” synthesize the best of what they are capable of. The album stands as a testament to the art form of music as it reminds us that there are musicians who take their craft seriously and believe in it so much that it can be used as a tool to steer you through the rough roads of life where you may learn a thing or two in the process. Two-years later Spearhead and Franti returned with All Rebel Rockers an album whose duality is a delicacy- socially charged lyrics paired with rupturing backbeats that wrap around your brain but captivates you like provocative pop. All Rebel Rockers is the soundtrack to accompany you on your leap of faith; a collection of essential hymn’s disguised as swiveling anthems for the ages whose lyrics strike a profound chord in here and now. This time around, instead of a mere cult following embracing the record, the world over wrapped its arms around “Say Hey (I Love You)”, one of the most straightforward yet enchanting songs ever committed to tape. Hearing it, you couldn’t help but sing along and above all else, smile.
One would assume everything has changed for Michael Franti and Spearhead, but to them, all that a hit single has done is allow them to widen their audience and give them a broader board to draw upon. This time around on The Sound of Sunshine Franti and Spearhead have concocted their most infectious and pop oriented recordings to date. The Sound of Sunshine glistens with sharp pop songs that are forthright as they are sincere. Michael Franti has had a rather concentrated career with songs about injustice galloping to the forefront of most of his work. Never afraid to shy away from expressing his concerns of social injustice, he was a man whose music bore more than beats and rhythms but a sociological message impossible to ignore featured magnificently on “People in Tha Middle”, "Chocolate Supa Highway" and "Stay Human (All the Freaky People)". While Sunshine may not bleed hip-hop innovation, it doesn’t have to. Much like Bob Dylan’s last decade of work, where he has embraced the music he loved as a child, Franti reaches far back finding a way to create his music not just remarkable but contagious as well.
The album is bookended by “The Sound of Sunshine” and a variation of the title track, “The Sound of Sunshine Going Down”. It opens with at the start of a new day, where the slate is clean and ready to be written upon and finishes with the sun setting as you surround yourself with those close to you. In between are nine songs that lean on reggae, soul, gospel and rock. “Shake It” has an arrangement and chorus ready-made for stadiums. Spearhead’s towering wall of sound on “The Thing That Helps Me Get Through” compliments the tale of friendship. “Gloria” is a statement of resolute grace (“You see I’m just a little man tryin’ hard just to understand”) while “Headphones” is one of the most sobering yet heartrending songs in recent memory (“Plug your headphones straight into my heart”). The album is drunk on love yet it retains its stirring intensity. When someone is as inherently gifted with a sense of melody and has the ability to synch it up to tribal rhythms as Franti does, it would be a shame for him to not put it to full use. It is as if he captures dozens of melodies in a bottle and unleashed them over 11-songs on Sunshine. He has put his own stamp on it without it feeling cheap or forced. Without question, this is his most accessible record to date. His completely infectious beats hail the listener and persuade them to live in the moment and not letting hate infect you. Michael Frantinow. However, finding reconcilement in the present is more powerful than chasing the past. In fact, in some instances is makes the past irrelevant. So much music these days is about nostalgia which tends to steer you towards memories of who you once were instead of forging new reminiscences. Franti’s music spurs you onward to be grateful for this moment in time, for the skin you currently embody. It’s breathing in the here and now and somehow, it makes your dreams and desires feel within reach. His music, while politically bristling and soulfully serene, has a calming effect. The Sound of Sunshine has made me smile more than any other record I’ve heard all year.
The album’s two principal songs, “Hey Hey Hey” and “I’ll Be Waiting” lure you closer to the light and you have probably never has felt as close as it does here on these two songs. These are more than mere pop concoctions but prayers for those in a crisis of faith. “Hey Hey Hey” (originally titled “No Matter How Life Is Today”), captures of essence of life in one word, repeated three times. It’s a jolting life-affirming anthem and a reminder to hold those close to you…closer. The U2 inspired “I’ll Be Waiting” echoes the sentiments of faith in people in one of Franti’s greatest lyrics; “The best things in life aren’t things/ They’re broken and bleeding”. These songs make your heart swell in a way that will make you feel alive. There will be those who can’t grasp this record. I feel sorry for them; because it’s a trigger for emotions we’ve buried or haven’t felt in a while. It can excavate even the coldest heart urging you to cherish those close to you and to find your faith in the friends and family you have.
At times, I look out into the world and question whether there really is a higher power out there. Despair and misery often outweigh the optimism in the world. However, what we tend to forget is that harmony is within reach. Michael Franti’s The Sound of Sunshine can’t give it to you, but it can send you down the path and its songs can serve as a daily reminder to embrace the light and shun the darkness. How many records do this? The Sound of Sunshine is the culmination of a trilogy of work where one is lost (Yell Fire), is found (All Rebel Rockers) and attempts to teach others with what he has discovered on their journey (The Sound of Sunshine). Michael Franti and Spearhead have achieved romantic nirvana with The Sound of Sunshine where they avoid the trappings of success and thrillingly rely on heartfelt passion to get their points across. It is an intoxicatingly joyous record showcasing Franti and Spearhead at the crest of their powers; their third masterwork in a row.
Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network. His daily writings can be read at The Screen Door. He can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com and can be followed on Twitter
Do you believe that there is a divine power at work in the universe that is always working for good in your life? This is something I have been learning over the past several months, something I continue to learn on this lazy November afternoon with Bob Dylan piping through the speakers at the coffee shop.
It is easy to believe that there is a power at work in the universe, a power that is life-giving and life-growing. We see this every spring when the leaves reappear on the trees. We see it when someone we know gives birth to a beautiful new baby boy or girl. We see the majesty at work when we stand under a hundred-year-old tree.
Why then do we doubt that this power is at work in our lives? I believe that Spirit (or God, or Life, whatever name you use to refer to the divine) is unchanging and constant, and that Spirit has our best interests at heart. A Bible verse that speaks of this is "God works everything together for good for those who love him." What's more, we don't have to beg God to bless us with good things in our lives: "It is the Father's pleasure to give you the kingdom," which consists of love, peace, joy, prosperity. Therefore, it is not our job to beg, but instead to tune our minds into the frequency that God operates on. In the face of our problems we get bogged down. Instead, we should walk by faith. If we are sick, we should think thoughts of health. If we are lacking financially, we should think thoughts of abundance. And on and on it goes.
God is not capricious or even ambivalent. God wants to bless us with many good gifts, if only we would set our minds on higher things.
Have you ever prayed and wondered when or if you will receive an answer? What's more, where are you directing your prayers when you pray?
My answers to these questions have changed radically in the past few years. For the first 2o-some-odd years of my life I prayed to a God who, I thought at the time, was primarily a Supreme Being who resided outside of myself, in a Heaven above the earth. I am thankful that I was introduced to spirituality from as far back as I remember, but there came a time when these beliefs started to change, and I have never looked back.
Let me give you my answer to the second question first. Where am I directing my prayers when I pray. Nowadays when I take time to pray, I am praying not to a God who is disconnected or separate from me, but to a God I am one with. God's home is within my soul, so when I pray I often find myself directing my prayers inward. This brings a power to my prayer life that I hadn't known. This of course radically changes how I experience answers to my prayers. I have been learning that God speaks to me through my Highest, or Best Voice.
When facing a predicament or problem there are often 2 sets of thoughts that go through your mind. Lacking in money? You can listen to the voice that says that you face certain ruination, OR you can listen to the voice that says "I will take care of you, you don't have to worry about your finances. Facing a dire diagnosis from a doctor? You can listen to the voice that says "I face a lengthy illness or even death," OR you can listen to the voice that says, "You have access to great healing power and I want to pour that out on you." Facing loneliness? You can listen to the voice that says "You are unlovable and deserve to be alone," OR you can listen to the voice that says, "I am here, I will take care of you and I will bring the people into your life who you need right now."
There are countless examples. The question is "Which voice will you listen to?" Now I know some people may be uncomfortable with this, but I believe that when we are attuned to Spirit within us, when we are aligned with Her, She speaks directly to us through our Highest Voice. Scripture is great, books are great, spiritual leaders are great. But if we face times when we don't have access to them, whether we're on the bus, commuting to work, in the shower, walking through the park - heck, even if we found ourselves on a deserted island - we would still have access to the Highest Voice.
Even in the face of excruciating hardships, we are not alone. Spirit lives within us and speaks to us through our Highest Voice. Listen for it today, and then walk by faith and put it into action. Step out of the boat and walk on the water, just as the disciple of Jesus did. Walk by faith, not by sight.
