By Anthony Kuzminski
Watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is akin to going to a great restaurant, getting food poisoning and spending the next four hours on the toilet; a well intentioned evening make a turn for the worse. I love movies, all types of movies. Action, drama, comedy, concert films, indie films, films too pretentious for their own good…I love them all! At least I thought I did. While watching the latest Transformers installment all I could think about is how director Micahel Bay has validated every single film critic on the planet with one film. People always say critics are out of touch with reality and they don’t understand the need for mindless entertainment. I agree with this to a certain perspective, but let me make one imposing statement, Transformers:Revenge Of The Fallen is flat out atrocious. It’s worse than even unscrupulous sex or inferior pizza, both of which have some redeeming qualities…this film is downright bad, bad, bad, bad. In my review of the first film two-years ago, I largely stuck up for Michael Bay. I tend to think people pick on him when he makes some really entertaining films, with The Rock being the finest. When I saw the original Transformers, I found it to be big dumb fun. And guess what, that is OK. I enjoy a whopping popcorn movie as much as anyone, especially in the summer. However, the sequel to Transformers is so dreadful, I can’t believe anyone didn’t stop them from releasing it. However, this is completely unrealistic because Dreamworks had to make their money and while I’m all for eye candy and special effects that leave your mouth agape, this film was so over the top, that you could cut not just 30, or 60 minutes, but it could probably shed 90 minutes and it still wouldn’t be good. For the record, are some of the action sequences decent? Yes. However, most of the sequences are overlong and lack any and all emotional impact. I was waiting for one of the lead characters to die, that’s how bad it all is.
There is so much horrificably wrong with this film, let’s bullet point it all.
·The first film had a sense of adventure paired with humor and a human element. The humor this time around is designed for eight-year olds. It’s ghastly toilet humor.
·Megan Fox has a career for one reason only; her body. They showed more of it in the first film and while she wasn’t as annoying as I thought she would be, she added nothing to this film. Translation: She is way hotter in the first film.
·Shia LeBeouf: I want to know who he has pictures of. I will never understand his appeal and he’s a whiner, complainer and useless in this film. Anyone could do this role and the franchise wouldn’t lose a single dollar. In fact, I’m a believer that if you kill his character off, I’d fork over money for it (something that won’t be happening on future Transformer films).
·Bad stereotypes: There are robots who are very un-PC in this film and while I am all for being a little less PC in the world, these characters are downright offensive. Who the hell thought this was a good idea?
·The script: Non-existent. I could have come up with this within ten minutes. The film was worked on during the writer’s strike and the second the strike was over, they whipped something together than a third grader could have done.
·Ramon Rodriguez (the college roommate): Who is this guy? Who is his agent? Why wasn’t he killed within ten-minutes of his introduction? He did nothing for the remainder of the film other than add time onto the film.
·The ending: It goes on for over an hour, fifteen minutes would have sufficed. It got to the point where the sequences and explosions became monotonous and something that a Michael Bay film has never been; dull.
This film is a colossal piece of crap and all I can tell you that your money and most importantly your time can be better served by doing anything other than wasting your time with it.
Anthony Kuzminski is a Chicago based writer and Special Features Editor for the antiMusic Network and his daily writings can be read at The Screen Door and can be contacted at thescreendoor AT gmail DOT com.
