I am Mark Andrew Alward, and I am almost 30 years old. For the first 20 some years of my life I considered myself a Christian. I grew up in Port Burwell and have lived in Kitchener, Ontario for approximately 10 years. I am a decent writer and singer. I like to read and write. I drink a lot of coffee. I pun a lot. Somewhere along the road I started listening to country music, and now that's almost all that I listen to. I like candles.
I am Mark Andrew Alward, and I am almost 30 years old. For the first 20 some years of my life I considered myself a Christian. I grew up in Port Burwell and have lived in Kitchener, Ontario for approximately 10 years.
I am Mark Andrew Alward, and I am almost 30 years old. For the first 20 some years of my life I considered myself a Christian.
I am Mark Andrew Alward, and I am almost 30 years old.
I am Mark Andrew Alward.
I am Mark Andrew.
I am Mark.
I am.
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It seems increasingly clear to me that life isn't about acquiring "stuff." This is fairly clear when it comes to material things, like clothes or music or other things that clutter up our apartments or homes. However, I think it is also applicable with spiritual things. I am seeing how the spiritual journey isn't primarily about acquiring new knowledge or adopting a new set of beliefs. I think the spiritual journey is more about the stripping off. From the time we enter this world, we start acquiring things, from the moment we are wrapped in our first blanket and handed to our mother. Then there's diapers, and clothing. As we grow older, we learn to deal with different life situations that come our way. We put up defense mechanisms to deal with negative environments. We mimic other people's actions to gain approval. We start buying clothes or music because so-and-so is cool, and, well, "they" wear those kind of clothes. Then we may adopt certain religious doctrines because we believe that we need to acquire something in order to be acceptable to God. We believe we are needy.
But then we come to a place where we realize that nothing outside of ourselves brings us true peace.
And that's where the stripping off begins. We cast aside the worth that we have placed on all the things and beliefs that we've acquired, and start realizing the miracle that we are not as needy as we thought. We start realizing our natural worth and beauty. The labels that we've acquired, whether positive ones such as "good speaker," "future pastor," "funny," or negative ones like "fat kid," "socially awkward," "weird," they all start falling off. We finally start realizing that the problem is forgetfulness, not that we are needy. We forget about our place within God. We have been ripped apart from our sense of wholeness. And so the answer is not to reach out and to demand that something or someone complete us. It is better to turn inward, and to realize that we already have everything we need inside of us.
No labels, and nothing external will do. Perhaps that is part of the message of God's supposed response to Moses when he asked God for his name. God didn't respond "I am Howard, son of Bob. I am ruler of the universe." God simply replied "I am that I am." God is complete within herself. Jesus was said to have caused an uproar when he stated to a crowd of inquirers that "Before Abraham was, I am." Jesus realized his place within the divine. When his followers ask him who he is, he returns the question. "Who do YOU say that I am?" He placed no labels onto himself. He knew at the core that he was one with God. That was a heresy that shocked those who heard him. But we must go one heresy further, and that is to boldly state our unity with God. Nothing else will do, no labels. I am one with the divine and so is every person that I see around me. Therefore I am one with everyone around me. Life is about stripping off all that we have clothed ourselves with, or that others have caked onto us, and realizing that everything we crave we already have. This realization calls for a radical boldness. My name may be Mark Andrew Alward. I may write and sing decently, I may (or may not) be able to tell a good joke. But "I am" not any of these things, no label fits. I am simply that I am. And when we use this as a starting point and realize our unity with God, everything starts to change.
